(The following Blog contains spoilers)
It was a happy Valentines all round as far as I could tell. I started off the day at work, seeing a lot of men dash into the store and buy flowers, champagne and chocolates on Valentines morning, bless them. After work I dashed to the train station to meet my fiance as we were going to the cinema in Leeds today to watch 2 different movies followed by a meal but for some silly reason, she had been at the station half an hour early? weird but anyway, we set off and arrived in Leeds and it was raining which was annoying but never mind. We went for lunch at McDonald’s and I tried their new Cheese Bites which were just small mozzarella Dippers which Emma wasn’t really that impressed with but we also saw a group complain about there Veggie Burger even though there order was ridiculous, just order a sub or something if you think there’s meat in the burger but don’t hold up a massive cue like that, it’s selfish!
After that we went on to pick up some Disney Infinity figures and I got Ronan and Venom and they look awesome, I’ll talk about them in a later blog though and Emma got me Donald Duck my favourite Disney character although he might face competition now from Baymax of Big Hero 6. We arrived at the cinema and it was packed with people, all queuing for one film…Fifty Shades….ugh I can’t believe she made me go to that film but I was glad that she agreed to go and see another film first, Big Hero 6 which was really really good, Hiro and Baymax create a bond that is equal to the Iron Giant and whatever that kid was called, only better. Baymax was awesome and how can you not like him (you must be really dead inside) you’ll love his huggable nature, pure innocence and lack of understanding of human language but it’s ok because you just want to give that big marshmallow a big hug. Emma cried her eyes out with Baymax’s sacrifice (spoiler) my shoulder had a wet patch but it was really good, I’d put it up there with Frozen and Lion King so well done Disney and thank you for rebuilding him at the end…I would have been so mad if you didn’t!
Now, onto Fifty Shades, the room was packed…mostly by single girls in groups and plenty of couples as well and for the first few minutes, people would complain that others were sat in their seats, we were on the front row in the corner and a lot of shuffling was done and a couple even walked out in disgust. As for the movie itself…well what can I say, it pretty much was the opposite message of many current day Disney Movies, destroying the work they’ve done for the last five years in five minutes, that a woman relied on a man to save them for there boring everyday life like…not having a working laptop…not driving Herbie about and not working in a DIY store, Anastasia always went back to Christian Grey even though he want her to be dominated by him, she falls in love with the billionaire with a helicopter (which is actually his worst nightmare) and be amazed by the playroom, with possibly the biggest whip collection since the Roman Empire (wow, this guy has issues). Watch as she falls in love with him within the first ten minutes of the movie, sub cumming (get it) to his will and desires but never actually signing that contract. A movie…with not that much sex, more or less plenty of dry humping with a woman whose ribs you could clearly see, poor thing. Get ready for the movie, inspired by a Fan fiction story based on the pile of crap we had forgotten about (if you have sense) Twilight. The only thing that made this film be different from that dumpster fire was the fact that they didn’t get Kristian Stewart to play as Anastasia…I don’t think my eyes would have ever recovered from that.
Be prepared for a couple (that I don’t think they actually are a couple but he does call her his girlfriend but is she? I mean they don’t really sleep in the same bed and it takes Christian ages to agree to go on a date, he couldn’t even go for a coffee, weirdo. Watch him spank, whip and constantly stalk Anastasia with texts, emails and randomly showing up to Anastasia as she visits her Mother…wow he can’t let her go anywhere for a couple of days. And finally watch as she asks him to show her the worst punishment he has which was 6 whips to the ass as she bended over on the table (which..she asked for remember, he didn’t actually want to do it) and she freaks out, running away with the most confusing ending in a movie in recent history as you hear people ask as the lift door closes, is that it?
I almost fell asleep twice but Emma loved the movie, so much she wants to see the sequels if they do them…yey. All I could think about as we walked away from that movie was this:
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your pain?
After that, we went for a meal at Frankie and Benny’s and had to wait for half an hour as it was packed but we got seated and I needed a beer to forget that train wreck of a movie and a nice Pasta dish with Chicken and Prawns. It was a nice way to end a great Valentine’s Day, the best I’ve ever had, even though I saw Fifty Shades, I can understand why it has so many bad reviews but it will bring in a lot of money at the end of the day..every screening throughout the day was sold out (I’m amazed we got the last two seats for one) So will it really matter that it was badly written as long as you show boobs, abs and dry humping for two hours followed by a man abusing a woman with whips. spanking and…gifts like a new laptop, car and rides in his helicopter but won’t let her touch him. I felt bad for the poor girl as she just wanted to be a normal couple with him, to have a normal life where she was allowed to touch the guy, instead of always…being touched and tortured by him….guess Christian hasn’t heard of equality yet.
Thanks guys and I’ll see you next time and FYI no, I didn’t let Emma go and buy a whip or anything like that…after today, I am satisfied with my care.