ALL IMAGES ARE COPYRIGHTED BY WWE, I DO NOT OWN ANY
Welcome to another edition of the Matt Attack! where we review WWE’s weekly showing of Monday Night Raw, we are in Los Angeles this week from the Staples Center, the home of Wrestlemania 21, 6 days away from Wrestlemania 31
We kick off the show with Sting, this is the first time in WWE History that Sting has opened a WWE Show before.
A moment indeed and it was the first time that I had ever really heard him speak so it was even more awesome for me. Sting tells the WWE that he is not here to fight for WCW as that would be ridiculous, no he is here to take Triple H down.
Sting is interrupted by Stephanie McMahon who welcomes Sting to the big leagues, she talks a big game but Sting nor anyone else is impressed, I’m surprised no one fell asleep as she talked on and on but then again, shes been pointless since the Authority story line even began.
Steph tries to slap Sting but fails to hit her target before her husband, Triple H makes his way down to ringside
Looks quite mad that Sting would dare prevent his precious wife from hitting him and he would dare touch her at all, the fiend! Steph gets out Triple H’s sledgehammer but Sting has an equalizer ready and waiting
All hail the baseball bat, clearly more dangerous than a Sledgehammer that is often used to demolish walls and stone, but no a Baseball Mat is much more intimidating, right?…WWE Logic there as Triple H backs down on the instructions of his wife (I guess she wears the pants in that Authority) WCW VS WWE THIS SUNDAY!!
WWE App Promo now and we get to choose who Randy Orton’s opponent for tonight’s show, you either get to choose, The Big Cry Baby, The Big Red Dumbass (GET THE MASK ON!) Or a coward surrounded by Mall Cops
Tough Choice if you ask me but the winner clearly with 77% was The Coward and his Mall Cops, I was more surprised that fans wanted Kane more than Big Show, not by much by their you go. We’ll get to this match a bit later on though
Tag Team Action now as Dean Ambrose and R Truth vs Stardust and Luke Harper…Suddenly, Stardust has become Gollum
The resemblance is uncanny, right? the guy shouts at Bad News Barrett who’s on commentary and the holder of the Precious!
The resemblance is uncanny, right? Booker T talks about the odds for each wrestler for the Ladder Match at Wrestlemania…because why would a sane man place a bet on a scripted event that is written down and played out? despite a decent match being on which was very enjoyable, all Booker T can do is convince fans that R Truth has more of a chance to win the Ladder Match than BNB or Luke Harper! has he been sniffing paint, a man afraid of heights has more of a chance then a man who was in the best ladder match seen in years between Luke Harper and Dolph Ziggler, yeah…WWE Logic there!
R Truth 8/1
Luke Harper 18/1
…Yeah…Ok then…guys save your money and don’t bet anything on Wrestlemania. R Truth picks up the win over Stardust and Booker T jokes that his odds are now 7/1!
Roman Reigns time now as we get the ‘I can and will’ bit about his match with Brock Lesnar at Wrestlemania…same old then I guess but never mind because here comes The….Miz…can’t tell who’s more annoying at the moment, Reigns or The Miz? Miz’s hometown is Cleveland Ohio but he says he’s from Hollywood now….you wouldn’t be able to tell as both places always boo him out of the building!
10 man tag team match next as we see Miz/Mizdow/The Ascension and Adam Rose vs The Prime Time Players/Ryback/Erik Rowan and Zack Ryder and we get some guy called Bill Simmons on commentary (who’s Bill Simmons?) apparently he’s been having an argument with JBL over Twitter…yey so I bet they’ll bicker during the next match…whoopee
‘Where’s The Rabbit?’- Bill Simmons
They discuss who the best WWE Commentator of all time is, personally I’m going for Jim Ross, followed by Jesse Ventura…Anyway the match, tension between Miz and Mizdow which is getting old now, hopefully on Sunday, Mizdow eliminates Miz and shuts him up for good! someone needs too. Ryback annihilates Miz and picks up the win.I may not know who Bill Simmons is but please, Take Booker T’s job!
Randy Orton’s match now and we find out who is opponent for the night is going to be which was Seth Rollins and his Mall cops making it a 3 on 1 match who no one saw coming! Joey Mercury starts it off but is quickly disposed off, followed by Jamie Noble but when Orton goes after Rollins, the numbers stack up against him for a moment as Noble and Mercury get the upper hand but Orton gets it back and delivers a Sick DDT on both men from the middle rope
‘This might be a first’- Booker T
No Booker….just no! Anyway Orton RKO’S Noble and picks up the quick victory. Rollins cowers away after a failed Curb Stomp attempt. We’ll see what he does this Sunday when he has nowhere to run or hide!
We next get a quick reminder of how John Cena will be the one to end the run of Rusev so America can once again be the elite country of the world….so Cena came come to Britain, Japan and Russia and boast about America (the country that boos him more than any other) next we see Divas bicker backstage…Paige calls A.J Crazy for not taking the championship match…don’t call her crazy Paige! so it will be Paige vs Nikki Bella for the Divas Championship. (NO BELLAS WIN AT WRESTLEMANIA WWE!) we’re all going to be bummed out that Reigns will be champion and Rusev’s winning run ends at the hands of Cena….we don’t need pieces of wood being victorious as well!
Can you tell the difference? Sorry, I’m being a bit mean tonight but these two have destroyed the Divas division (or what was left of it before they returned) they are the embodiment that it’s only looks can make you a Diva, not wrestling abilities! I mean…Eva Marie is a wrestler, EVA MARIE, let that sink in! long gone are the Trish Stratus, Lita and Ivory days where Women Wrestling was taken seriously, they never had to ask for a chance, they were good enough for the fans to want to watch…not complain on Twitter about it!
#GiveDivasAChance, not with the Bellas about! Ok, to the match for the Butterfly Belt!
A decent match with Nikki Bella kicking out of Paige’s finsiher which is the only time I’ve ever complimented a Bella! don’t count on it happening often.
A.J elbows Paige which is enough to let Nikki hit her finisher and pick up the victory which angers Paige and the two Divas fight it out before referees restrain the two of them as the Bellas look on happy….get me a sick bucket.
Another WWE App promo and this time, fans can choose the special referee for the match between Daniel Bryan and Dolph Ziggler, sounds good and we also get to see Snoop Dogg who comes out with all the other Divas that we only see every now and then as they escort Snoop Dogg out with some really bad dancing…no wonder we don’t give Divas a chance if that’s all The Creative Team can think to do with them…dress them in skimpy outfits and make them dance….be a Diva ladies, you don’t need to know how to wrestle! at least in today’s WWE you don’t! I mean Eva Marie made it in!
#Axelmania now as he comes out to interrupt Snoop Dogg, before Hulk Hogan makes an appearance…bla bla I lifted Andre The Giant….Let me tell you something Brother! is it me or does WWE love to relive the past again and again….Hulk says that every single time….
‘Nah Snoop Dizzle’- Curtis Axel
‘What’s this brother smoking over here?’- Hulk Hogan
I’ve wondered the same about you Hogan for years now. I mean, you’ve been a sellout for a long time now.
Way to demean your current stars Vince by having celebs and wrestlers who haven’t wrestled in years be able to beat up ones that wrestle on a weekly basis! Celebs are able to bitch slap wrestlers like it’s nothing…oh well, don’t forget to give WWE Creative Writers that special weed they obviously smoke Snoop Dogg!
Cesaro/Kidd/Natalya vs Bull Fighters and a Midget Bull….what can I say about this train wreck other than a bull was able to pin Natalya…further demeaning the Divas Division in about 3 minutes…because Vince obviously enjoys tiny people in costumes pinning A Diva that I can’t take seriously anymore! NO ONE LIKES THE LOS MATADORES! IT’S PRIMO AND EPICO!
Rusev vs Jack Swagger for the millionth time or at least thats how long it’s felt (does anyone think Swaggers’ going to win…no? me either and it proves to be true as Rusev forces Swagger to tap out very quickly, even though Swagger held on, almost fought out of the Accolade but passed out at Summerslam
last year! Rusev refuses to let the Accolade go and he holds it until Cena runs down and attacks Rusev, he has the upper hand until Rusev throws him into the barricade, then the ring post spine first! then over the announce table as Cena lands on one of the announcers chairs awkwardly, looked nasty to me
Rusev, deciding that the American Dog hadn’t suffered enough, locked in the Accolade on John Cena and it took 5 refs to slowly get him off and JBL and Booker T complain about them being slow…yeah, 2 former World Champions just stood there and couldn’t do a thing about it yet Snoop Dogg can beat up Curtis Axel?! That’s WWE Logic there! The Russian Flag drops down as Rusev celebrates his dominance in the ring.
Bray Wyatt time now and he calls us all cowards and that we are all liars, guilty of being afraid of who we all really are. We hide behind make up, fast cars and alcohol because we are ashamed of the people we have become, we are all LIARS but not Bray Wyatt, he is a shining light in this diseased society that we call the Human Race and at Wrestlemania, he shall set the Undertaker free. He now controls the special effects and uses them to produce thunder sounds and flashes the lights a bit…spooky stuff but the fans thought at first that Undertaker was about to come out. Undertaker may finally rest in peace this Sunday!
The results for the Special Referee match are in and were as follows
- Dean Ambrose- 57%
- R Truth- 19%
- Bad News Barrett- 13%
- Stardust- 7%
- Luke Harper- 4%
So we have Dean Ambrose as the referee tonight
A good contest between Ziggler and Bryan, easily the best match of the night, just by having all three men in the ring was enough to make it so. Great back and forth with no one taking a clear advantage with moments that make you go ‘Wow!’ throughout, give it a watch guys and it also makes you wonder, why is Roman Reigns in the main event but Ziggler or Bryan aren’t? hurts the head, right! Ziggler hits the Zig Zag and goes 2-0 over Daniel Bryan, then out of nowhere, Ambrose hits Dirty Deeds on Ziggler before all the other combatants in the Ladder Match come out and a brawl breaks out, leaving no one standing at it’s conclusion but wait until Sunday when we’ll have a winner…unfortunately it might be Sheamus…anyone else notice how there was no promo about his return…sigh, please WWE….just don’t!
Adding Sheamus into Ladder Match at last second so he’ll be cheered heavily by fans= WWE Logic!
Quick Tyson Kidd and Natalya promo regarding Burger King’s Chicken Fries which actually became the number one trend worldwide shortly afterwards…,man Twitter must of been having a quiet hour!
Yak Yak Yak Yak Yak Yak Yak Yak Yak Yak Yak Yak Yak Yak Yak Yak Yak Yak Yak Yak!- Paul Heyman
This ladies and gentlemen is the image that closes off Monday Night Raw, Lesnar and Reigns both holding the championship…no fight or anything….boos all about for Reigns….ARE YOU KIDDING ME, really? I was waiting for a brawl to break out…but nothing happened, I even fast forwarded thinking that they had put a break in for some reason but no, THAT WAS THE END! this Image!
This is how you end Raw? No F5 or Spear (heaven forbid but nothing?!) It’s almost like you want your Main Event to be worse than Cena vs Miz or something! WTF! just WTF was that WWE! When Reigns took the belt off Lesnar, it was the most boos I heard all night! Just by Reigns holding the belt, it pissed fans off! I’ll assume that Reigns, if he becomes champion will be booed even more than Cena was and THAT’S SAYING A LOT!
This was terrible, it was good right up to the moment Reigns came out but then it went south…very south and it shows me just how doomed the Main Event looks to be, it’s enough to make a grown man cry!
‘Let’s go Lesnar!’ WWE Fans
Fans cheer for the bad guy over the supposed new hero, i hope Vince watched and heard the fans boo Reigns…what a let down tonight WWE, I was hoping, praying that your show before Wrestlemania was going to be a good one but after that horrible ending…butchery of a Divas Match…Commentators unable to focus on matches and a Bull pins a Diva…out of a 1 to 10, your not even on the rating scale, that show gets a -2, a straight up negative 2!
And that’s all from The Matt Attack Today, see you all next time as we near the end of the Road to Wrestlemania