I had a meltdown tonight, with Aspergers you can have them sometimes so il explain a little bit just what one can be like so you might understand a bit
It is hell, the worst thing that I go throw and it is something that I wouldn’t wish on anyone….its a dark prison that I cannot escape, the endless thoughts of doubts that repeat in my head over and over again,…it is the worst and I only wish that others could fathom the pain that my head puts me through every day!
Making me believe that everyone is against me all the time, misunderstanding expressions, jokes and such and taking them personally, worrying that bad things will always happen, no one will ever want to be my friend and all that, to always think like that is hell! Pure hell and no matter how many times I think I’ve climbed the mountain and overcome it all, one thing will happen, big or small and I’m a wreck once again, a tortured, misunderstood soul, to afraid to call for help!
You feel alone, isolated, you want the bad thoughts to stop, to leave you alone and to calm down, especially if you meltdown in public…it’s so embarrassing but you can’t always help it! I always want to be alone when it happens but if I can’t be, I go silent, praying that no one speaks to me…so I don’t bite their heads off with verbal abuse, I can’t help it…not with so many negative thoughts in my mind….I feel awful afterwards if I’ve upset anyone….it’s the worst feeling in the world and I hate myself for it!
If someone without Aspergers could step into my head for five minutes and see what it’s like….you might understand what it’s like because I wish I could have the mind of someone who didn’t have Aspergers, to see what it’s like….just for a day
It’s just another prison, that no one can help me out off and it’s a life sentence, no parole! It’s hell. I can’t speak about it because no one understands it, it’s an illness that is treated by being ignored or being told to calm down…like it’s that simple! I’ve had people try to lecture me on Autism! None of them have it! Their lucky! It’s just horrible!! I hate it so much!
From the lonely, lost soul that always thinks it’s alone