The smoke clears, the fire is out..only carnage and waste remains, the cleanup begins as all settles down, the meltdown is over. I compare having a meltdown to a volcanic eruption when all of the pressure is too much to hold in anymore and it needs to vent out, hence the eruption! sure you don’t actually spit out scorching hot lava or anything but it’s still a very frightening experience for the person to have! your head can be exhausted once it’s all over, it goes through so much negativity, convincing you that no one likes you and that your all alone in the world, it’s beyond horrible, especially if not many people even know the condition you have….that’s worse actually because I’ve had people accuse me of making up having Aspergers! I’m an attention seeker apparently and I ignore all of that because what do they know? you mock what you don’t understand but Aspergers is very much real, well Autism but I prefer to still say Aspergers, even if I don’t actually like the name of the condition!
With me, it’s triggered by stress mainly, over worrying over the little things and too much negative thinking in a short period of time. The head can begin to hurt and the mind gets fuzzy, I often feel light and dizzy on my feet…it can feel as if I could collapse at any moment. I can remember my head being in a great deal of pain, very sharp pain and anger builds up very quickly, the slightest comment can send you beyond overboard and how you react to that could have consequences to deal with in the aftermath so it’s best to be alone as you overcome the meltdown, that way…you can’t offend anyone or even hurt anyone (I haven’t ever hurt anyone physically during a meltdown but I have wanted to) If a meltdown occurs when I’m in a public place, I do my utmost best to get away and isolate myself, for example…I had a meltdown during a rehearsal for a play at University, luckily I had a friend with me at the time who let a tutor be aware of it as I headed outside to cool off, it was a close call as not everyone understands Aspergers or a meltdown.
I can easily go from being Hot to being Cold but my Meltdowns are no where near as bad as they were eight years ago, they are more calm and I have learnt the best ways to deal with them so only minor damage is possible, the worst I can do nowadays is just say one or two horrible things but I’d always apologize like mad afterwards for it! years ago, I’d say many horrible things and not care about the consequences and that got me into trouble quite a lot, I learnt from the meltdowns and how to prevent anything major from happening ever again and I’m proud that I can control them, especially without the use of any kind of tablet, I have never had a tablet for my Aspergers and I never will!
I would say that at most, I have meltdowns 3 times a year, this one being my 2nd of this year, 2015 which if I’m correct would mean I am still due at least 1 more Meltdown before 2016 which isn’t the best but it can be let out without much damage if done correctly and with some luck, it happens when I’m at home and not outside. It is much better to have the meltdown inside and away from public because you may feel embarrassed or not want to offend, upset or even hurt anyone as it is happening.
- Isolate myself from everyone (not always possible)
- I find listening to Music helps a great deal, it can be calming and smooth, I like to listen to Jazz at this point in time
- Have a nice drink and a snack like chocolate for example, even if you are on a diet (calming down is more important in this situation!)
- Have a nap and sleep through the Meltdown, although that may vary with some as the length of time a Meltdown lasts isn’t the same with everyone with Aspergers
- Play a game on a game console (If you have one)
- Do something that makes you happy
I find it funny at just how quickly I can return to normal once my meltdowns finish, I feel calm and relaxed…it can feel as if I wasn’t all upset, angry and filled with hate just a few minutes prior although my mind can feel blank sometimes but apart from that, I feel fine, like I’m empty and I begin the whole process again. I also always feel terrified about what I may say in Meltdown mode, especially to friends, family or my fiance.
I’ve had years to learn how to deal with meltdowns and hopefully will reach a point where I don’t even have them anymore, I find a way to just vent out small bits every now and then and make it not even noticeable but at the time right now, I don’t feel that I have the confidence to let so many things do and not let them get to me, hey…I can dream, right?