I sometimes feel like that I am a little bit crazy, I don’t know what it is but I must be a little bit crazy, aren’t we all in a weird kind of way, a little bit nutty? maybe just a little but it makes us unique and not the same, otherwise we’d all just be sheep and lord knows, we wouldn’t want that…just imagine if every other person on the planet like everything that you did, it’d suck right? life wouldn’t have a purpose in my opinion….I wouldn’t want everyone else in the world to have Aspergers! that’d be a nightmare world, we’d all be afraid to speak to each other, nothing would get done…that’s just my example there are plenty of other ones that could easily make you feel like everyone liking the same thing would be a bad thing, not a good thing.

Too much of a good thing is bad, indeed! it’s good to be unique and an individual and not a sheep but I feel bad now because I’m insulting sheep! I’ve never been one to follow a herd, that’s boring in my opinion…I don’t need to change myself to feel more included in the world….I didn’t go out clubbing every week at University just so I’d make no friends, I felt that it would be a bad idea because I don’t enjoy that sort of thing, it isn’t me and by forcing myself, I’d be proving to myself that I was desperate to join the herd, just do what was popular and lie to myself….it’s simple, if you don’t want to do something…don’t feel forced by peer pressure or to feel included!

This isn’t meant to be negative in any way! It just amazed me as to how many people I have watched over the years dramatically change just so they can make friends, what happened to being you? you are who you are and if people can’t like you for that, then they don’t deserve your friendship…simple! not everyone can accept that though! We as humans don’t always enjoy the truth, rather we choose to ignore or listen to lies so our feelings don’t get hurt, think about it..YOU DO! My fiance tried to be someone else to impress me but I could tell, she gave too many signals away and I asked her about it…I told her to be herself…I don’t care about faults or fears, I love her for her! all the good and the bad and that’s the same as my friends….I don’t care if they sometimes annoy the hell out of me, I like them.

I can’t be someone else, my Autism won’t let me! it’d be too hard to pretend to be something I’m not as I’m too honest, I tell it like it is, even if people don’t like to hear it….to be honest I can’t always tell if people are offended or not. I have to be how I am, all the time and I prefer it this way as I don’t believe in hiding a single bit of my Autism from the world, I don’t care what others think! I struggle to interact socially…crime of the century! oh wait, I have friends so no issue, right? if I get to know someone then it doesn’t become one

One day, I decided that I wanted to try to do something for Autism because it isn’t represented enough worldwide! nowhere near, to the point that many have to ask just what it is and if people don’t know, how can people understand and be more accepting! I’m not saying that every single person with Autism can go outside and do what most people can do, some don’t like to leave their house or lack the courage and that’s fine, they can’t help it but when people call them attention seekers, liars and fakers, that pisses me off. I was scared to go to school, went anyway, was scared to go to college, went and got a great mark and went to University, even though no one believed I’d survive and I got a 2:1. I want to do well in life, screw my Aspergers, it does nothing to hold me back anymore because I don’t let it, I will never use it as an excuse because EVERYONE makes mistakes! I would wear a label saying I have Aspergers, what of it?

Here is one thing that I have never understood and by the way, this isn’t everyone so all those easily offended, pull it back in, theirs no drama show tonight! You can be overweight and expect to sit at home, not working and get benefits every week but someone with Aspergers who is scared stiff and needs help to gain confidence is mocked and looked upon by people?! someone please try and tell me in what correct way that this is correct? I’d love to hear your intelligent reason as to why that’s the case! many people can’t get work because of injuries, looking after loved ones or unforeseen events but there are those out there that just can’t be bothered, I know some and they expect the tax payer to pay for everything. My point is, many with Autism do want to work, they want to get out there and make friends, have good friends and live their life but many can’t do this because in their heads, they are convinced that it will all go wrong, either that or the way they’ve been brought up, sheltered from the world because many are afraid of what will happen and I was once….terrified and in a way I still am but I soldier on each day because deep down I know, if I sat on my arse all day….it’d be a pointless existence…what would I achieve by doing that…even though it scares me, I do it anyway and I’m so glad that I always do because I know I can….I think I can and I always will be able to. Yes I’ll make mistakes, I’ll do silly things, offend people accidentally or have a meltdown in public but so what?

I don’t need to be wrapped in bubble wrap because the world is full of mean people, hiding away solves nothing….just ignore it and get on with life, time waits for no one and not a single one of you would ever want to get to 60 and say ‘I’ve wasted my life!’ for me, that would destroy me.

I’m glad not everyone has Aspergers because if we all did, I probably wouldn’t feel proud about all I have done so far…why would I when someone else would say the same thing..that they overcame so many obstacles and such…it just wouldn’t be the same and for all those people who like to make fun of people who have a condition, although your idiots who clearly have issues in your life…you make the scared more confident to prove you wrong! Nothing makes me smile more than wiping that stupid, smug look on your face when I prove you wrong and make you look stupid. I made it my mission a long time ago, when I lived in a small market town to show all of those smug, horrible people I once trusted wrong…that I’m not some clueless idiot that can’t do anything and I have….I would never really forgive them though, even though they made me stronger…the damage was done years ago and I’d find it incredibly hard to let it go because it’s a strength that pushes me on and if I let it go, I might not be as confident but I never forget. Every time I achieve something, a smile comes across my face because I know the people who tried to make my life a living hell all those years ago would not be happy but I really could care less…let them wallow in their arrogance, I proved them wrong.

1 Comment

  1. Beautifully written! I’m glad not everyone has Aspergers too. I like that everyone has different sorts of obstacles to overcome and that we can learn from each other by being different. There would be no intellectual, spiritual, or any sort of growth of mankind if we were all the same. 🙂

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