Is it just me or is having insecurities in trust a part of having Autism, I have always felt like it’s very hard to trust someone 100% completely  because your afraid of being hurt, betrayed and abandoned by them, like they’re using for for something, then they just pretend that you don’t even exist…hmm maybe it is just me, maybe I just have trust issues, you know…because everyone can have them, just like everyone can struggle to interact socially sometimes, make friends and such…it’s not just limited to people with Autism. It’s funny how when you learn about Autism, you read

  • Struggles to interact with others well
  • Can be often shy and quiet
  • Will act awkwardly in public
  • Unlikely to get a job, get married or even move out of their parents house

Oh, so for all those people who are shy and don’t have many friends, they must be Autistic, right? as for acting awkwardly, I’d rather stand by someone with Autism in the street than say something who is drunk. I mean, the main reason that anyone with Aspergers acts awkward in public is because their nervous, afraid or feel uncomfortable, unlike someone who’s drunk who…well, their drunk…do I need to go into detail on it?!

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Sure, the guy with Autism isn’t much fun on a night out and can make us feel awkward sometimes…must be weird but hey look, a girl asleep on a slice of pizza, how cool! So someone who wants to be more social but is scared is an annoyance but someone who has gone beyond their limits and is fast asleep in the curve is ok? I’m not say if you drink, your bad….I have a drink every now and then but I have no idea as to why people with Autism are automatically looked down upon if they do something bad or make a mistake yet someone who gets very drunk and may fall asleep outside is considered to be funny or a legend, if that was someone with Autism, the media would be all over it! But who knows, maybe I’m looking at this the wrong way…all humans do stupid things but perhaps, because some people are aware that Autistic people are socially awkward that bad actions in public and mistakes are to be expected but is that fair? to assume that the majority of the Autistic Community will just screw up and make mistakes because they can’t help it? All of my life, I’ve had the world and it’s aunt make me feel smaller than the smallest pebble

  • He won’t cope
  • He doesn’t have any friends
  • What if he gets hurt
  • He doesn’t speak much

Funny how everyone likes to control my life…is that where I got my passion for writing, because my life was pretty much written out until I was 16 years old? I just struggle to trust people so it takes me a while to make friends….that means in now way that I can’t go out their and become a writer or get married…in no way or shape….so many other people can’t make friends on the spot…are they disabled? So why are people with Autism, even in their adult years spoken and treat like their children still? Having helpers because they can’t cope on their own…I pushed helpers away in school because I didn’t need them….I was forced in the end but I never really needed one…I argued for years that I don’t want one and in College, I got my way and what happened, did I crumble and do what everyone expected me to do…Hell no! Are you kidding, I thrived and got so much better as a person…miles better and it was the best feeling in the world because other people weren’t controlling my destiny anymore! and they never will again and I mean NEVER!

I will always say that people with Autism can stand on their own two feet, if they just believe in themselves because we are people, shy, quiet and awkward but brilliant, interesting and inventive and we can do just what anyone without Autism can do, we might just be a bit more forward and to the point about it all.

I try to read what others write about Autism but I always get the feeling that it’s watered down, meant to make you smile and feel better…that your special…I hate that word…special…it’s like they tell me that I’m one of god’s little angels and that my Autism is a gift…yeah because I enjoy the meltdowns and being awkward in public….yeah, thanks a lot. It’s hard and it can suck sometimes but I refuse to be wrapped in cotton wool and force-fed how everything will be ok, how by doing some silly activities in a book, that my life will be what I want it to be, you know how I got to get my life to be what I wanted, I got rid of all those Autism help books and just lived…I went to college, university….met the love of my life, by myself….not with some helper or some book! If you need that kind of thing then fine but it’s not for me….I feel sick when I read something that tries to make me forget that people can be unnecessarily cruel in this world! that if I write out my feelings then I’ll become more confident.

Another thing, because I appear happy, even though I have Autism….people have said that I don’t have Aspergers! What you can’t be confident and have Autism? excuse me?! Like I’ve said before, not everyone is the same, if I could say that I didn’t have Aspergers then I would! rather easily because this sucks! I’m proud of having Autism because I feel unique but the meltdowns, feeling so scared in public makes life so hard sometimes, it’s the truth and I have to get on with it everyday….I have no idea how it would be if I could go out there all the time and never be afraid, I don’t think I’d be human! I do have Aspergers and yes, YOU CAN BE A CONFIDENT, HAPPY PERSON WITH IT! Deal with it!

Anyone can become obese, blind or deaf for example…not that anyone would want to but you can’t just become Autistic, it’s something you are born with! and none of this bleaching the brain crap that some idiot came up with, yeah bleach the brain…what is this, the 1500’s, next thing you people will suggest leeches to get rid of Autism….wouldn’t be shocked.

More soon

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