This is a blog based on my experience of having a relationship, despite having Autism, a process of how I’ve coped and what I’ve learned all the way through, If you are Autistic or know someone who is, you might enjoy it, it may put a smile on your face 🙂
I genuinely believe that I have found my one and true love and no, that isn’t just said because it sounds romantic or anything like that, it’s from the heart and I always mean it when I say it. In November of this year, 2015 I will have been with my Emma for 5 years…when we started going out with each other, I didn’t think we’d last 5 days! I don’t know, we seemed quite different at times as she seemed more aggressive and angrier than most girls I had ever met before and some of my female friends didn’t like how she’d always punch me on the arms, legs and tease me around the college car parks. However, many people keep telling me that I should write down my little love story because it sounds romantic or something like that, no idea why but what can you do.
The first time I ever laid eyes on her was during a break between classes in 2010 and my group was outside the canteen on a break, just relaxing in the mild sunshine when a lad called Shaun came outside saying that the new First Diploma students were here so we decided to go and have a look at them, well since we would be working with them in the upcoming college musical, it would be good to see what they looked like and if any obvious characteristics stuck out. Did I know when I stuck my head around that classroom door that I was going to be staring at my future wife for the first time…nope, I had no clue and I didn’t afterwards either because we were all bemused by how quiet they all appeared to be
‘Theirs only four of them!’
My first words to her were those…oh well, bit late for a retake. We found it funny how the first diploma group had gotten so small over the years and they all seemed so nervous, unlike my group that was full of energy when we all met and we clicked. So weird how after a while, we began to click and get along really well but we did but I still never imagined I’d ever go out with her! I wasn’t the most confident about relationships….the Autism didn’t really help there, brought everything down to a low but Emma was different….she was able to look past the Autism and she knew I had it because I told her…no idea why I did but I felt like I could.
Sure, when I met her I was 20 and she was 17…a 3 yr age gap but I’ve heard of 20 yr age gaps so 3 yrs sounds like nothing! we only really got a chance to speak when it was lunch and her group struggled to connect with the other two groups as only me and another lad called Leo from my group would ever really speak to them
I always thought she was so aggressive and full on from the get go, full of an attitude but at the same time, she was genuine, real and honest…I could feel it, even if everyone else thought she was a bully, I didn’t see it that way, I could see beyond that…she looked friendly and this was just her way of doing things and soon enough, I was right. We got closer and all, we’d slowly start hugging each other a bit…hugging friendly of course but I think others were thinking otherwise and now that I think about it…it may have looked like more.
I remember the long chats we would have during lunch breaks and online on Facebook, they seemed to go on forever sometimes, even if they were just about TV, games and what not, I really enjoyed them. Long chats that could last for hours, why am I boring you with Facebook chats? no Idea, I guess I felt they were important to the story, however,,,despite all of this, there was a problem…
I was sort of already in a relationship….well it had been like less than a week and to be honest, things were not going so well…it didn’t feel like a relationship at all and when I was told that she was going to leave college to follow after a band, it kind of put the final nail in the coffin for it…I was going to go to University and she was planning to go off elsewhere so I decided to end it before it got serious. In the meantime, I was really close with Emma now, I felt like she really understood me and got me! which was rare back then so it really meant a lot to me that we got along so well but still, I didn’t want to hurt my soon to be ex and I planned to tell her that it was over after College, only for me to find out that she had already gone home, so I called her but she didn’t answer her phone! so I had two choices
- Talk to her on Thursday
- Facebook Her
Now I know what you’re thinking, don’t dump someone over Facebook but…that’s what I went and did…rookie move there! funny how it’s only after you’ve done something that you realise how stupid it was sometimes! Anyway, word got out and people were not happy with the way I did it but stood by me with ending it…even if College was awkward for the next couple of days afterwards. Me and Emma were now secretly in a relationship and we didn’t make it official until December a month later, to spare the feelings of everyone. Ok, so the start wasn’t the most romantic one or the best way to start but things get better.
Learn a lesson from that period of time, never dump someone over Facebook, ever! horrible mistake and I wished I had handled that situation better but what happened, happened…can’t change it now but learn from it as I’ve heard of people being dumped as a New Year starts or on Christmas Day, now that’s cold!
If anyone saw us now, they’d think we were a couple
I also remember before the new year that we had to stage our directing pieces in a show and my god! Mine was a train wreck, the two actors were beyond terrible…they started talking to their parents during the show! so that annoyed me to no end but to make things worse…I got the wrong end of the stick and assumed that a lad from the year bellow me was flirting with Emma backstage and oh boy…his face when I confronted him, grabbed the paperclip bracelet Emma had made and threw it to the side, I have never seen more fear in a man’s eyes then at that moment and to be honest…I kind of enjoyed it, not in a bully kind of way, not my style…it was satisfying to learn that if you tried, you could be intimidating if you wanted to be and he was terrified of me, I could see it…he look so scared afterwards that he avoided her for a while, he must have thought I was going to hit him or something and if the same thing happened again…I’d do it again, easily and I’d make him fear me for going near her looking smug…piss would run down his leg and he would know his place if he did try to flirt with her. Of course I was wrong that night but…I always felt like he had a massive ego anyway, that and I knew he was afraid of me after that incident…one time a month later, he was walking down the park path, he saw me coming the other way and before I could say anything, he ran across the field away from me….now, I know this because Emma told me that he asked her, what should he say…let me make one thing clear…I never actually assaulted him nor did I actually plan to…all I did was throw away a silly paperclip bracelet in front of him, raise my voice a tad and that was about it and probably given him a stare but apart from that…nothing, I even apologized to him the day after but…what can you do…I was quite protective of Emma for the first few months…I wanted people to know that.
That aside, time past by and before I knew it, it was time for the final college play, Romeo and Juliet and apart from scaring the audience with my character, Lord Capulet and almost breaking a girls wrist in the play, College ended and I was off to University.It wasn’t the greatest long distance relationship as Emma came to visit me every weekend so we always stayed in contact and fell in love even more as time past by and apart from having surgery twice during this time, things were great…Emma helped me get past every obstacle University threw at me by giving me that confidence to overcome it all.
I remember helping her get back into one of her old hobbies, Horse Riding as she had an accident before I met her and was too scared to do it again so I said I’d learn how to ride if she did as well so we did and I could see the confidence in her come back as the lessons went by, although she once fell off again but she was alright this time but it fair gave me a heart attack! I ended up paying for lunch that day to cheer her up. Those Horses were so big…shame of my fear of heights..really tried to not look on the ground and when they cantered….once or twice I almost fell out of the saddle but I got the hang of it…Emma was much better though but I can ride…just took me a bit longer is all but I was happy with trying new things and being with Emma let me do that, by helping each other out…we both grew in confidence and soon enough, even I forgot that I had Autism…I felt like everyone else…life was good.
So much has happened between us now that after two years, I decided that I could no longer live my life without her in it so after a lot of very careful planning, I surprised her with a trip to Bruges and proposed to her which you can read about here- click that link, Proposal Attempt in Bruges. I feel incredibly lucky that I have fallen so deeply in love with someone like Emma, she has changed my world and made it a much brighter place, something that I will spend the rest of my life repaying her for by giving her my devotion, my soul, my love and my heart…life doesn’t mean that much if Emma isn’t a part of it to me anymore, she is my soul mate, I feel it everyday even though we argue from time to time, she’s my angel that I will always protect. I’ve never cared so much about someone as much as I have with Emma…she’s amazing, so kind and incredibly brave, I’ve seen her overcome so much of her demons and she’s become and amazing woman, I’m so proud of her…she’s my rock, my brave little rock, my treasure.
We’ve traveled to many places together which have all been amazing and I’m sure we’ll see much of this world as well together, still got Canada, Japan, Australia and China to see yet. With Emma, I feel like I can do anything, as long as she’s here…it’s an amazing feeling, one that I’d love to stay around forever. Although learning to ride a Horse wasn’t on my list of things to accomplish, it was fun and I would do it again if she wanted to, it’s a new hobby…expensive but a hobby and she’s come with me to football games which is awesome, sometimes she yells louder than me! now we’re season ticket holders!
Being with Emma has shown me that it doesn’t matter if your Autistic or not…Love can be found…true love! I’m the happiest I have ever been and it’s all because I poked my head into a classroom and saw her there, the best decision I ever made. A condition doesn’t matter…all that matters is love, true love, after that…Autism isn’t a factor at all and it never will be again, it never should have been ever.