Good Afternoon people of the Internet, This is your Daily Pick Me Up and today, I have decided to just do a little write up about…my life I guess, you know me as The Daily Pick Me Up but my real name is Matthew but it’s nice that your just reading this blog at all so thank you, whoever you are. I know that people draw their lives in YouTube videos but I thought I would just write about mine instead and try to use pictures as helpers to maybe help you get a better picture.shambles

Italia 90 logoI was born in a small market town called Settle which is in England, it only had a couple of thousand people in it. I grew up in Yorkshire which was a friendly place, quiet and friendly on June the 25th 1990, around the time the 1990 FIFA World Cup was happening so I kind of interrupted that event for my parents, my bad. I was born into a family where I had one sibling, my older brother Tom, so I was the youngest and the smallest, I also had many cousins as well so I never really felt lonely growing up. We also had a pet dog called Bruce…I loved that dog and I know that he loved me, he would always sleep by my crib and I used to think that he was protecting me or something because he rarely left my side. When I was a baby, my parents discovered that I wasn’t walking or talking when most children start, it took me a while longer to do those things but even so…I needed a lot of help to do it and I worried them because no one could understand why I was how I was when it came to doing anything…I had to do it all from scratch which was hard…I needed a lot of attention as a baby, probably even more so than the average baby does. I wasn’t the easiest child to raise up because no one knew what was the matter with me, I would often scream when anyone other than my Mother or Father held me, some people even thought I had been kidnapped, I screamed that much and I also had a tenancy to slam my head against the wall in my sleep…I must have a rock solid head! I never woke up when I was doing it!

schoollogo_1My first school wasn’t your normal school that most people go to, it was a school for special needs children called Brooklands School in Skipton, even though no one knew what was wrong with me, I still was able to come here because it was apparent that I had something that was so wrong, I had to be shunned away from everyone! If it can’t be understood, move it away so we don’t have to understand it! I once thought that everyone thought like that! I don’t remember much from my time here except that I was actually happy here…I had no understanding about what my family and doctors knew, I was just a young boy trying to live life…totally unaware that behind the scenes, my future was always up for discussion.

However, it wouldn’t be another decade before we would finally discover that I had Autism…I felt a little too late because the damage had been done by that point! Before that though, school life was very hard, I didn’t have a clue to to really socialize and that cost me any hope of having any real friends…no child should grow up without a friend…it’s a very bth_bangHeadAgainstWalllonely place. I stayed at Brooklands for 6 years and I actually did have friends there before moving over to a public school in Settle, I didn’t like it there, I had been taken away from them and I didn’t see them again for a very long time…everyone picked on me and called me names all the time at school and I let them do it because for a while, I didn’t understand and when I did…I became very distrustful of any one…even my family for a long time! It sucked not knowing what was wrong with me and being distrustful of everyone was horrible, not only that but I struggled with even the most basic of tasks…I couldn’t make a sandwich or tie my shoes by myself when everyone else was able to…I felt so stupid and I didn’t understand why…I had a helper at school at one point, who was really amazing to me, she was able to make me feel normal for a change and I slowly became more confident but sadly, one day she had a fall in class and soon afterss_sad1, she passed away. I went back to where I was beforehand…I was sad again.  Very sad in fact, I began to wonder what on earth the point was anymore…was this really what my life was going to be? It didn’t help that around this time, Bruce fell ill and was diagnosed with cancer…he didn’t have long to live and I remember my Dad taking him to the vet…the last time I saw Bruce…and when Dad came home without him…I knew that I would never see our Dog ever again…it still hurts today and for so many years, I was scared of Dogs after…

You can imagine that all of this made me really sad because I began life with nothing…no skills and had everything taught to me much later than everyone else and without a lack of understanding on anything, it was like I was a blank human, I was alive but that was it…A doctor once said that I would be able to wash, get dressed and talk…that was it…that hurt a lot to hear that. The next five years were the loneliest of my life as I went through school, I had no friends and I became more and more depressed, a time that I want to forget all about because it culminated with me finally being told by specialist doctors that I had Autism…I could swear that at that moment, my life stopped for a moment, everything had just changed…so much…it’s a feeling I could never fully explain to you…a feeling I hope to never have to feel again.

To be told that you had something that many people wouldn’t understand was a nightmare for me, I didn’t understand it but it was explained to me. I wish I had Learnt of it sooner but at the time, I sank down and gave up…it was just another kick that had floored me and I didn’t want to get up this time…I couldn’t!

autism-labels-do-not-define-us1So many things explained yet more issues to face as it just made me even more depressed because I felt like a freak even
more…I just had a label on my forehead now for the world to see! It was awkward because my schools had no idea what to do with me so I was pretty much dumped in a small class, my hopes of good grades went along with it as well!

1929920_14583836018_6036_nSchool finished and I was 16 now, I had no idea what I could do with my life as I had bad grades and even worse confidence in myself, if it were up to everyone else, I’d just stay in Settle and never do anything for myself! So with a quick decision, I decided to head to the local college in Skipton and apply for a BTEC Media course and from then on out, my life would begin to change for the better, I would go on to resit my GCSES and meet so many great people along the way before doing Drama that would see me for me! friends that liked me because I was who I was, screw whatever I had, they saw me as a human first, not an alien and that was the best feeling in the world. I have since met many people and they were all wonderful, it was a breath of fresh air to no longer be so secluded from everything, although it took a long time to actually believe it and not be afraid that it would all go away again someday!

155153_10150095147396019_932641_nI even met my soulmate at College as well as I was studying Performing Arts! Emma is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I wouldn’t giver her up for anything in this world or the next, even know we annoy the heck out of each other sometimes….everyone says we act like a married couple! Well, saying that…As I had grown so much in confidence, I decided to apply for and go to University, even know so many people in the past said it was impossible for me and I got accepted at Huddersfield University and during my time there, I decided to Propose to her in Bruges, Belgium to which she said Yes! 73874_10151345027071019_1736059658_n

Happiest moment ever! So it goes to show that life has a way of working out for you, sure I had a bad start and a bumpy childhood that took me time to overcome and prove everyone wrong but now, I have the friends, the lover, the great family that I once dreamed of having as a scared little boy who once felt that he was put on this Earth to….well I’m not sure but going from having no hope to being engaged along with a 2:1 Degree…well, that’s not bad, I just wish I could see that doctor one more time and show him how wrong he was, show everyone who ever doubted me that they got it wrong! So wrong! 305799_2303113651036_425388783_n    I don’t know what the future holds for me, I want to be with Emma for the rest of my life, I want to have my friends for the rest of my life and make new ones as well, I want to be a Father and I want to see the world but all of these things were once impossible and I almost let it be so because I was too afraid to do anything about it  yet now, I know that if I try my best, I can do all of these things and not look back, be proud of how far I have come from a hopeless situation, laughing all the way because I don’t care if people know I have Autism…I’ve been through so many taunts and insults that they can no longer hurt me! So there you go, that’s pretty much my life up to this point, Aspergers and all…so thank you so much guys for reading and have a good day!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s