What is it like to have Autism…something I have actually never been asked by another human being before…somehow…that’s actually a good thing though, right? Well to be fair, I could just ask you what is it like to not have Autism? Because I don’t have a clue…I haven’t ever had a time that I haven’t had this darn thing! You’ve never had a day where you’ve had Autism, I think we both know where we stand in understanding that we can never know how it feels to be the other one.
I can try my best to explain it but it might not be as accurate as someone else with Autism explaining it because no one with Autism is the same as another! However, I will explain what it is like for me the best way that I can so bear with me! it ain’t easy because I still don’t completely understand it in a sense because I’m always discovering something new about it and some things that just aren’t true about it, like struggling in Society…not so true, well I don’t think so but like I said, not everyone with Autism is the same!
Autism is like a constant panic from morning till dusk, absolutely everything scares you to the moon and back, people intimidate you and you constantly think they are judging your every move, you believe that they don’t like you and talk about you behind your back. You worry about things way too much when others would only a little then get over it whilst it can take you the same amount of time a Volcano takes to erupt completely…in other words, I can worry about things for DAYS!
And on another day, you can feel wonderful and confident, you want to go out and make friends but get scared when you get near them…funny that, you want to have loads of friends but panic when your around some…someone has a sense of humor there! Anyway, whilst everyone has interest and hobbies, when I have one, it’s more like an obsession, a whole life can revolve around it…not only that, I find that I can either eat the same food every day or watch the same TV Episode god knows how many times and never get bored of it! I’m easily amused and would have probably been an easy date. No worries whatsoever! I find these rare but oh so good! I wish I had more of these than the other ones.
I find it funny how barely anyone gets this…at School, College and University, I always found it hard to explain it….that is if anyone actually guessed that I had Autism in the first place! A lot of people are always surprised when I tell them, which I often choose to do..I don’t care if people go off me after finding out…I mean why should I hide a part of me from the world….I’m not ashamed of it! On days when I’m doing something, I’m excited and happy but when I’m doing it, such as spending time with friends, I can feel like I’m going to implode sometimes and need some times to myself…it’s strange but a few minutes to myself does help.
So I tried to explain it…perhaps not in great detail….I’d be in the tens of thousands of words by then and would you really read it all in one blog? Probably not but there you go.
More to Come Later