Ever felt misunderstood because of your Autism? Had a bad day because you didn’t exactly achieve your goal that you set out for yourself when you stepped foot outside your door that morning? We all have at some point, I know I did for example at University if I hadn’t talked to anyone that day but after feeling angry, I’d say to myself ‘Tomorrow’s another day’
Many things can make you angry, especially when you have Autism because I for one get angry because one of the first things my head tries to do when something goes wrong is blame my Autism for it! 9/10 times my head will try to make me think that it was because of my Autism that particular thing happened and it would only happen to someone like me which is absolute nonsense if you ask me….bad things happen to everyone in life, not just someone with Autism…if you have a fall out with a friend or are late for work…if you fail a test at school or get bullied…even having no friends…all of these things can happen to everyone at some point and yes I know that most people associate not socializing well with people on the Autistic Spectrum but it can happen to anyone! I know many people who don’t have friends really…but still, it makes you feel angry all the same?
For me, finding it easy to find a blame for something makes me angry because it’s so easy….Autism causes me to do this and that…I know I struggle to interact with other people sometimes and I can have a meltdown or two, that does happen and yes it is down to my Autism…that much I can’t deny…the anger you feel, the fright, sadness and even delight sometimes…it’s a process that varies from time to time but it is powerful! I’m proud and don’t always want to just go ‘Well it’s because of my Autism’ I’ll admit I’m proud, I don’t care! If your offended then stop reading! Don’t go on your High Horse and try to talk above me in this regard, telling me that my views and opinions are wrong, you believe in what you want to believe and I’ll do the same…I don’t claim to speak for anyone…my views are my own and not views of everyone…that’s one of the many great things about being a Human, you can believe what you want…even if some go a little to far…If I ever offend anyone I will always say sorry…I don’t like being nasty and I understand that I still have a lot to learn about Autism! I’m eager to learn but we are all human and we all have feelings….conditions, disabilities or not!…they are there, we are human and we feel pain, happiness, sadness and anger but what is different is what can make us feel these things but I will no longer have my feelings be told are wrong…all my feelings are that I will not hide the fact I have Autism, I will always believe that I can do as well as anyone else if I try my best and put the work in, I can make friends, get married and most importantly, be happy! All I want in life is to be happy and I have worked my ass off to get where I am today! climbed mountain after mountain and defied odds…learned about my Autism and slowly begun talking to others with it, learning so much more than I ever realized…it wasn’t easy but I’m getting there, slowly.
I never intend to insult or upset anyone but I don’t ever want to hide true feelings…I’ve been told for years that I shouldn’t tell anyone that I have Autism because they’ll treat me differently, I wont get far in life etc Well I say…I’ll tell the whole world if I want to, it’s a part of me and I will not hide that from the world…just because it’s not visible doesn’t mean it’s there so in a way…that makes me angry, that I felt the need to keep my Autism in the dark for so many years…it confused me greatly because I always asked myself ‘Should I be ashamed?’ No! no one should feel ashamed or feel angry about their Autism and I know that no one person is the same as another with Autism, some will barely have it and some will really have it…obsessions will be different as well as fears etc But I will always believe that people with Autism can have a fantastic life…their are many great communities online that support people with Autism…I still get nervous joining some to be honest, it’s like making friends in real life, it takes time…it takes me a long time and I always get really worried if I upset someone by saying something…really need to think before I speak sometimes but just because they think I’m wrong sometimes doesn’t make them right either.
At the end of the day, I always remember that Autism or not..we are all human. If you agree or disagree…that’s your opinion and your right to have it, just like it’s my right to have mine and I accept that, I’m a nice guy and I’ll always be friendly to all that are to me, always have and always will be…I might get a little emotional sometimes about my Autism and like I said, I have much to learn and if you think you can teach me at all, feel free…I’ll listen but let’s be adults about it and not go your wrong because of this and that. That’s how we learn and I’m a good listener so if you have been offended at all, I am truly sorry and if you liked this blog than thank you for reading to the end.
More Soon World
Keep on Smiling.