Hello Mr Internet, it’s The DailyPickMeUp…well almost daily and today is all about that time where you can’t help but feel that everyone is against you, despite you not having a shred of evidence to back that claim up! It’s called Paranoia and as far as i know, it’s quite common when you have Autism. Paranoia or just worrying all the time over the small things, I can’t really go and say I’ve gone through 1 day in the past decade where something hasn’t worried me…the smallest thing will get to me and the fact I haven’t resorted to drinking, smoking or any other kind of obsession to cope with it all yet amazes me!
But what’s with all of the worrying anyway? Everyone has worries in this world, right? Can you really think of someone that never worries about anything…at all? I sure can’t but with the title of this blog ‘Autism and Feeling Paranoid’ it should also say but it’s ok because everyone else can feel that way as well sometimes! So relax and enjoy your life…you’ll have your ups and you’ll have those downs, like a bumpy roller coaster that is life, things will happen that will stress you out and leave you laid out in bed, unable to sleep as you wonder what will happen next but at other times, you’ll be fast asleep after having a great day.
However, we all have that pet worry that can keep us up at night, something in our lives that we can’t stand and whenever it comes up, we get scared and pray that everything will be alright! With me and my Autism, any fear or worry seems to intensify and be a lot worse than it would be for anyone else! When something like this gets to you, it’s ALL you think about and it can last for days…literally days of constant panic and obsessing over this issue!
And really, that is only scratching the surface! When it comes to worrying about everything, you mean that you literally worry about everything! I mean I can’t sleep if I think the taps drip at night! I can spend ages in the bathroom checking the taps to see if they drip water or not, it drives me insane! Now I know that it may not seem like a big deal to you but to me, it can determine how long I get to sleep at night! I mean, water costs money people and I don’t want to be charged extra because someone didn’t fully turn off a tap that’s left on all night! I woke up one night and heard a noise so I went downstairs and saw that the kitchen tap was slightly on so I turned it off and ever since, I pretty much triple check them every night!
Point being, I can worry about so much things, it’s ridiculous but what can I do about it? Not much really, it can come along when I don’t want it to and no matter how hard I try to ignore it, I always cave in and check everything…drives me up the wall how long I can stare at a tap…off all the things in this world to worry about…dripping taps….stupid things! When you go to bed tonight, listen out for the slight sound of water falling from your tap into the sink…will it drive you crazy or will you get past it? We’ve all done it before, gone to bed and left the darn tap on…it;s unavoidable to do…unless you have some kind of sensor tap that only turns off when you put your hand under it or something.
Of course I worry about other things but for some reason, this one seems to be my main nuisance in the last year! And even though we get new taps in recently with more up to date taps, I still check them, even though I know they will not drip! I’m so cautious and will check and check, sometimes my fiance has had to pull me away from the sink and up to bed…maybe I should just start watching unsolved mysteries again before going to bed, that would take it off my mind….I’ll be too scared to sleep after learning about Hinterkaifeck (Look it up!) or the disappearance of the Flannan Isles Mystery (Look that up as well!) links are here of blogs I’ve written about both these real life incidents, seriously…you will be checking your attics for someone hiding in there! It’s really messed up!
To conclude, yes I worry and it’s something I can’t always control but I do know that in this life, we all have worries…we all are in the same boat in this situation because worrying is a very human thing to do, we will all have worries up to our deaths, it’s unavoidable! So may as well enjoy the ride and expect worries to come about, because we know they will pass and we will overcome them in the end!