I was having a lot of thinking time today as I recalled how I would think about not having much hope in having a fulfilling life from an early age, what I mean is because of my Autism, I would be held back an unable to climb those ladders to success and happiness because everyone would just think I couldn’t achieve much at all because I am ‘labelled’ and if people didn’t completely understand what Autism was and just saw it as a condition or something along those lines! in short, Not very bright and can’t do much! I’ve had that for a long time off so many people who thought I wouldn’t make it far at all, no University, job, relationship…nothing and it was awful because…everyone just assumed automatically, no one gave me a chance
In today’s world, everything can be hard to come by such as work as jobs are becoming harder to come by, shopping amongst other things is getting more expensive and it makes you wonder how governments expect people who don’t earn that much money are expected to get by…I mean in the UK, they are looking to cut Tax Credits which will make life for not so well off families that much harder! When you see someone in a high paying job look down at someone…say for example working at McDonald’s and they rub it in your face…you can’t help but feel sad because a fellow human being is trying to make you feel bad…why are we so cruel to one another in this world? Times are hard but people who struggle are…made fun of by people who are wealthy and doing well…because…it’s satisfying? I don’t know but it’s weird but anyway for someone like me, I always worried about work and University because of my Autism…I struggle to socialize and I get terrified in situations and confrontations so it’s very hard sometimes and when people don’t understand or even care, it’s even harder so what am I supposed to do?
Well despite my fears, I went to University and my goodness, I had to battle through so many scary moments, all the meltdowns and worries could have made me drop out so many times but by pure luck…I hung in there and survived! Even though all my doubters thought I would quit every step of the way…they were left dumb founded and surprised by this but as I write this today…I still worry about what my future holds for me…I always doubt I will get that high paying work because I doubt my abilities…lack of skills and confidence and what not makes me struggle to believe that I could be one who earns thousands yearly and I don’t want to sit at my desk with my arms crossed yelling how unfair the world is…life is one sided and favors only a few whilst the rest struggle and scrape by…I just want to be happy, to have a good life for me and my fiance…I don’t think if others don’t think I can achieve much, if they look down on me because of who I am…I have Autism…that doesn’t stop me from doing what you can do at all!
Of course I want to be successful, I just think it’s stupid for others to give people a hard time, just because they might not be as successful or they struggle to get food on the table or pay bills…life’s hard but mind your own business I say and get on with your own journey…I hate to say this sometimes but people just annoy me sometimes because some can just be rude and unkind so for no reason other than they enjoy it! If they go to a supermarket and make a cashier’s life miserable because things don’t go their way or if they go to a restaurant and insult the waitress because their food wasn’t up to their standards…GROW UP AND STOP ACTING LIKE BABIES IN PUBLIC, IT’S PATHETIC! Let’s face it, some don’t like being told what they can and can’t do in life and take it out on the whoever they can and it’s a shame because it happens all over the world and in this day and age when life is that much harder, it just makes things worse….I worked at McDonald’s and I got so much abuse off customers for the stupidest of reasons! One elderly man threw a big mac at me for no reason….I think he was just bored but really…you just paid for that and wasted it…I’m sure someone else could have used that instead of you! but it can just show that some human beings live off being annoying and it’s a shame…I always try to see the best in people and will always try to be as polite as I can to you because I won’t stoop to your level!
For someone with low confidence like me, it can affect us in so many ways like we might get afraid to go outside because you might bump into a rude person again who might abuse you for no other reason than they can get away with it but running away isn’t the answer, even if it feels like it is because what’s the point of life if you spend it running away from people that don’t even matter! I don’t care who you are or what you do….if you insult me, I will insult you right back and I won’t run! I am proud of who I am and where I am! I am happy and no one can make me feel unhappy! Whatever happens to me in life, I will always be proud that I tried my best every day and never gave up, I ignored what others thought of me, I achieved what no one thought I could and I don’t care if you earn tens of thousands every year, you will never be able to look down on me!