It’s true that people are more than often diagnosed with Aspergers when they are children but it can happen when your an adult as well, for me I was a teenager…typical if you ask me that it would take people fourteen years to discover it…I swear I spent all of those years going to doctors, health centers and hospitals with people scratching their heads, wondering what was wrong with me the entire time…it was frustrating to say the least because you begin to think that they will never really know, I’ll spend my whole life in the dark, however the answer soon arrived and it made things better and worse as I don’t think I have been more miserable in my life than after discovering that I had Autism…when I didn’t know, things didn’t feel as bad but once I was diagnosed, everyone treat me differently and I couldn’t escape it, I was sucked into the abyss of people feeling bad for me and my limits suddenly being non existent, as if they weren’t that much more worse before hand, they wanted me to be a farmer…I knew nothing about it!
Why am I always so scared of the world now? No matter what happens, I always assume the worst will happen and that I’ll never get anywhere but I often wonder why I think the way I do, all the time? It’s frustrating because I would love to be able to think in a more positive manner all the time, It’d be fantastic to be able to do that every day like everyone always seems to be able to, either that or they’ll all just really good at putting a face on! I often get envious of what others can do and question, why can’t I do that…because I was never given a chance as a child to develop skills like everyone else? Whereas others would be doing things like Horse Riding, Football, Rugby, I.T, Running, Biking, Rock Climbing…. travelling the globe I could go on but the point is, when your young you begin to develop skills and see things that inspire you to learn what it is you want to do with your life…when I was 16, I hadn’t a clue because I had spent all of my life being tested on…I was a blank canvas whilst everyone else was painting their masterpieces!
I am aware that thinking negatively isn’t helping at all but its tricky to just shake it off and not do it anymore. When anything bad happens, how do you just shake it off and move on in a more positive manner but the same bad thoughts return again and again, the mind can be cruel sometimes! I know I sound like I’m having a good old rant here because I don’t like the way things have turned out for me sometimes….perhaps if my childhood was a little more positive and I was given more chances in being able to discover what I really wanted to do with my life then maybe I would be a more positive person when it comes to challenging the life’s challenges that come across me every single day.
It can be tricky to get very far in life when negative thoughts are prominent with me! I’d love to set them all alight and forget about them because I want to be a more positive being but when growing up and being told your pretty much useless, it’s hard to escape that old demon…I mean you spend 16 years being told your worse than rubbish and try to be positive about it!
Well I guess I’ll just have to take things one day at a time and remember that no matter how hard things get…it’s always worse for someone else on this planet somewhere! I guess doing things that make me happy is a good way to overcome negativity that I guess I have associated with my Autism because as far as I am aware…I can’t remember feeling so negative about things before being diagnosed with Autism.
But I won’t blame my Autism for it, that’s just too easy as everyone can think a little negatively sometimes, it just take s some practice to remember that it can get better, it always can in some way or form, never think otherwise.