Well I thought I’d ask because I always assumed I must be a little bit crazy…even a slight bit insane to be honest, I mean why not? I worry about other peoples opinions so much that it drives what direction my life can go in and why is that? Why do what other people think affect me so much? I have no idea but it does…greatly and I have no emotional control over that…maybe it’s because for a large portion of my life so far…I have had other people make decisions for me, tell me what school to go to, what I should and shouldn’t be able to do and what my future should be…but does that make me crazy??? Maybe but that may have been the only one way that I managed to do something about the little interferers that one day thought that I was not able to be in command of my own destiny!
I have the final say on which direction my destiny goes! No one else has that say and I’m annoyed that people thought that they did have that power at some point in my life, it drove me up the wall…all those stupid meetings about needing help all the way through school…I stopped needing help after the age of 10…but no one believed me, I was just someone who couldn’t do anything without a helper in class, someone always sat next to me…I hated it because I just wanted to learn by myself….to be able to make mistakes on my own and learn from them….not have someone else try to make it easier for me
I always thought I could be crazy because no one was letting me do things for myself…why was that I wondered? I couldn’t understand because it felt like I was the only one in the building that needed help…I assumed that was why all of my friends left and began to ignore me…I assumed I must have gone crazy because I had friends and was confident before all of this but all of a sudden, I was told I had no talents and I couldn’t do anything!
Of course I wasn’t insane but it was like I was made to feel like I was! When your constantly told by everyone that they won’t let you do anything by yourself all the time, you ponder just why that is! I didn’t know about my Autism at this time but at the same time, even if I was fully aware…I still should be able to do what anyone else does… why would Autism make me need to be so protected and what from? I was fine at my first school and I felt like I shone and did really well but once I got a little older, I realized that in my hometown, people felt I was incapable of so much, my first school was in a different town! To learn by myself, learn from my own mistakes…not be bubble wrapped and have others do most things for me…It drove me crazy…all I wanted was to be my own individual…not to get to the age of 16 and finally get to start thinking of my future…still fixing the damage caused really…maybe that’s why I want to travel and see so many different countries now…push my limits and get so much done!
When your held down for so long…you eventually brake free but with me, it was with bitterness and hatred for those that held me down in the first place!
Maybe then….I wouldn’t be so CRAZY!!!!!