It hurts, it really does. I fathom just what it is about having Autism that makes others have to think how to talk or treat me, why is that? I mean at first glance, I look just like everyone else, right? A normal guy who is just going through this roller coaster ride that we call ‘life’ yet the smallest mention of Autism and I am no longer that! The stares, the confusion and the fear sets in for all parties, I struggle enough as it is to interact, socialise and maintain relationships at times but when others automatically have decided to not even bother to try and talk to me because they know I have Autism, what chance do I even have?
Good thing is, many people don’t care that I have Autism and to them, I am just like everyone else but sadly, many don’t…many hear I have something and 9/10 it’s game over for me, I won’t be making friends with them, I’ll just be that guy in class or elsewhere that barely talks, unless someone talks to him first
What I just don’t understand how my Autism can scare people off sometimes for no reason other than people know that I have it, granted that as I got older, it rarely ever happened, once or twice it still has however and I don’t get it, what is it that puts people off? My main bits are usually
- Not Talking Much
- Not Always Socializing
- Not Understanding Jokes
- Not Reading Facial Expressions
- Not Always Being Able To Tell Emotions Of Other People
So basically, quiet and nervous individual that sometimes needs a little help in coming out of his shell, in other words…I would need other people to perhaps introduce me into the conversations or so much from time to time, although at times, I can have conversations with people without any help but that is a rarity, only really if I have had a good day or a few good days before I can feel confident enough to do something like that.
It can be difficult when your always shy, worrying about everything in life and it doesn’t help when others make it that much harder for you by judging you based on ‘what you have alone’ I’d prefer to be given a chance at the very least, I mean you can come and say hello to me if you want to, I won’t bite…in fact you probably would make my day just by being a little nice, instead of assuming that I’m a loner or something and assuming I’m being rude like I bet many people have done in the past.
A Quote from Winnie The Pooh couldn’t be more true and it goes like this
“You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” A.A. Milne
I know that I have to put in effort as well in order to make friends and I have done many times in the past, what I feel that I lack is the ability to do it regularly and always with confidence whereas it always appears that everyone else can do it with ease yet I’m here struggling to have a conversation with anyone that goes beyond the 3 minute mark, I always award myself if I ever manage to do that! Yes, I’m that sad, I don’t care!
I am who I am and I am happy, I guess It’d be nice to be given a chance by all, instead of a few because many still don’t understand what Autism is and even if they do, most assume everyone with it is the same which is untrue but I feel sometimes that if I explained it to a brick wall, I’d get a better response than some I’ve received in the past.
Great people are out there and I have met many of them but I’ve also met many bad people that look at me, see what I have and pretend that I don’t exist because they don’t understand and assume I’m a rude person which can hurt, I really need to learn to not take everything to heart but easier said than done really!