People with Autism or Aspergers often get misunderstood by everyone else, we are called liars, loners and psychos because of how we act, our hobbies, liking to be alone sometimes and only talking about what we like makes us appear rude to you but let me ask you a question, have you ever thought about how we feel when you say these things to us? Yes, we have feelings, just like you, I for one choose to express them only when I want to because I’m shy about how I appear to others, eye contact for one terrifies me and I don’t like to cry in public or lose my temper but you assume I’m an emotionless robot yet you see people recording people’s pain and misery and putting it online yet they aren’t ever called heartless or emotionless, they are praised because it’s funny yet…I can’t look you straight in the eye sometimes and I’m weird…ok then.  

Do you know what it feels like to want to walk up to that crowd of people and be able to talk to someone, to make a friend in this world but you can’t do it because your scared but others mistake it for rudeness and you get judged for it. The feeling is awful because you end feeling more alone than you did before you came up with the idea in the first place, your nervous to try again because of what might happen and people can’t understand why you struggle so much to just go up to someone and have a conversation or make friends but it takes two to tango, right? Do you ever feel like it’s always you that has to go up to someone to start a talk, don’t you just wish that someone could come up to you for once and start a talk or something, wouldn’t that be as lot more easier and relaxing but apparently, it has to be you all the time but if that’s true, how is a conversation ever started?

Do you know what it’s like to be told you have no empathy, no emotions or feelings, we are nothing more than emotionless, rude freaks that don’t care what we say or do apparently to many and it’s horrible, if only they knew just how much emotion we express, it’s just a shame they aren’t always around when it happens because we sometimes feel it necessary to let them out in privacy.

Do you know what it’s like to have a meltdown in public? To have all this pent up aggression appear out of nowhere and implode in front of your eyes! We just get called psychos and retards by people when we can’t control ourselves and I hate using that word, ‘retard’ so much but I have no choice because people always use it! it’s 2015 and that word still exists, how savage can people be?! A meltdown is one of the hardest things I have to go through and do you know why I have them? Not because I’m an angry individual but because I’m scared! Scared of always trying to impress people like you so you won’t look down on me for what I have! To show you that I can do just what you can do but sometimes…it gets to much and I have to vent and let it out, I don’t mean to look angry but you act like my meltdown is the first time you’ve ever seen anyone get angry and you make it out to be ten times worse than it actually is, you misunderstand and you make me out to be some loner who can’t have friends and it’s sick!

Do you know what it’s like to misunderstood because no one understands what Autism is? For so many years, no one knew what Autism was with me and everyone just thought I was weird and stupid because of that and my life was hell for so long because everyone singled me out and tried to make me feel as insecure and upset as I could be, all because people mock what they don’t understand and it’s a shame because if people had taken a little bit of time to try and understand, things might have been different.

Do you know what it feels like to be accused of being a liar? To be told that you can’t have Autism because you happen to be ok at being social or happen to be in a relationship? The pain you feel when people shut you out and ignore you because your not alone in a dark corner somewhere crying! This happens daily and it;’s a mystery as to why so many people can’t wrap their heads around anyone with Autism being happy…they must be lying, surely! (sarcasm) unbelievable, a little achievement here and there and someone has to try to bring them back down, it’s a shame because they should be encouraged to go even further and be happy, not be told that they don’t have Autism because they dare actually talk to someone!

Just what do I have to do to keep you happy world, when will someone just say something like

”It’s ok, I know you struggle to come out of your shell straight away, we can take it one step at a time”

 

Instead, it’s all or nothing, either you can make contact and talk with others confidently or your a loner, a freak to others who is mocked and ridiculed for it.  How to keep your taunts and insults on a leash? Your obsession of making me or someone else feel bad for something I or they can’t control makes no sense because really, it’s savage and pointless, ha ha you can’t make friends so I will laugh at you for it…what do you gain from it exactly? five seconds of satisfaction? Really big, shows how shallow you are as a human being to go to so much effort to make another feel low! You target something you see as imperfect because it embarrasses you yet your the only who enjoys making another human being suffer for your entertainment, because others do it! You like making another Human feel bad because they struggle to make friends, do you really like making them cry, question if life is worth it? Because you don’t understand what they have, Do you know what it’s like to feel this way? Probably not but let me tell you, it’s not nice and remember, one day it can happen to you two….Autism or not…anyone can be ridiculed and mocked for something….you just choose to pick out things you don’t understand in someone…yet you must be perfect, right?

6 Comments

  1. I learned I was not wanted on voyage at the age of seven and a half, when on my first day at Junior School in the village where I was brought up, the head teacher called me WitchCraft in the morning assembly and reminded the rest of the school that the bible says Thou Shalt Not Suffer A Witch To Live – so they tried to kill me four times a day for the next five days until I ran away from home after school, tried to kill myself four times, and ended up locked in an industrial cold store at 30 degrees below zero for 48 hours. My body was frozen solid when found by the search party, certified dead by the doctor it was taken to, and was being prepared for autopsy when I came back to life. I received private schooling thereafter, but that didnt stop them. I suffered over 200 such assaults in the next seven and a half years. But I passed the highest professional qualification attainable in my country, became a back room boffin, and had an epic life despite them.

    1. Psychiatrists / Psychologists / Neurologists refer to we auties and aspies as having a disorder they call the theory of mind problem – that is we think everybody is the same as us, think the same way as us and think about the same things as us and they don’t – no what they do is have a disorder that I call centre of the universe syndrome – it’s much the same as the theory of mind problem except is does not allow for variation from the centre of the universe opinion – which is the centre of the universe is the incumbent of the universe having the thought – it is a kind of god complex – the incumbent believes himself / herself to be the centre of the universe because they made the universe – and because they made, it belongs to them, and everything in it belongs to them – and everything in it is beholden to them and so has to obey them – the hindus even have ancient vedic words and phrase for this syndrome – sutra 1 – Aham Brahmasmi – meaning I am Brahmasmi – supreme god of everything there is – and sutra 2 – Tat Tvam Asi – meaning That Thou Art – or So Are You – and Psychiatrists / Psychologists / Neurologists think we are nuts – the Bible says that doctors should remove the beam from their own eye before trying to remove the bream in someone else’s eye – not that I’m complaining – love demonstrating what fuckwits Psychiatrists / Psychologists / Neurologists are

  2. People think I can’t have autism because I’m a novelist.

    Isn’t Temple Grandin a novelist too? I’d really like to know their logic. (sarcasm) And the only reason I’m so good with my language is that having no friends for 12 years led me to make my own.

    But of course, they don’t think of that…no NT individual really has a clue, and apparently ASD individuals can’t explain it well enough to them. Or, heartbreakingly enough, the NTs don’t even want to listen. 😦 Life can be a nightmare.

    1. Life can be a nightmare only if you let it be – I’m 70 and have had a terrible life by neurotypical standards and a wonderful life by autie / aspie standards as I have meaning and purpose in my life – but not ones that neurotypicals would chose – a childhood marred by brutal attempts to cripple, crush, suppress and kill me – a working career marred by helping billions of others around the world improve their health, wealth, joy and security, with no thought of myself – and a working retirement marred of teaching tens of thousands of auties and aspies and hundreds of millions of neurotypicals around the world suicide avoidance and prevention without charging a penny for doing it – http://forms.aweber.com/form/53/145209953.htm

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