Hi Guys, I feel a little bad today and I’ll tell you why…it’s just another Monday as far as I’m concerned.
I feel down and I just can’t shake it off at the moment, why does it only take one thing…doesn’t matter what it is and I’m down at rock bottom and I can’t get back up, I hate it when that happens because I feel stuck and I can’t get anywhere because of it! I had to cancel a meet up with some friends because of a prior engagement as in I’m going to see a show on the night and they are only coming up on that weekend so I won’t see them this Christmas and I feel a little down because of it
Likely something will get sorted out but as of right now, I can’t cheer up and it’s affecting everything else around me, my mood and my partner is worried about me but I feel I’m just angry towards her, even though she’s done nothing wrong and I don’t want to do that but I feel like I’d be mad at everyone the way I’m feeling right now…one thing and my confidence just hits rock bottom and I feel so alone in this world, like all I do is work and then come home…that’s it…what kind of life is that! I know I have friends in this world but some I rarely and I always enjoy to see them so when something happens that prevents me from being able to do so, I feel awful and what’s stopping me this time is a show I booked to see almost a year ago! Their was no way I could have known that back then
Why are there Humans in this world that have no one to talk to? How fair is that? Right now, you will have individuals sat alone, wondering what they have done ton deserve it? Why can’t they make friends or go out and socialise? It shouldn’t have to be as hard as we as a society make it out to be, we are all human beings so why the hell are so many people all alone?! This isn’t a cry for attention, just feel like saying a few things because if you don’t speak, nothing changes because I know I get nervous around people and struggle to communicate confidently but that doesn’t mean I enjoy sitting in silence in the corner of a room or anything like that, I hate it!
Sometimes I admit that my Autism can be too challenging for me, I have days that it does beat me and I struggle to get back up, whereas others would either sort it out or move on from it but I struggle and stay behind for ages until it finally passes and I wish I had the strength to be able to confidently get past something and be a better person because of the experience! Sometimes I do but a lot of the time, I don’t…I get down and don’t want to do anything else, people get concerned about me and I can’t snap out of it because…I don’t want to, I ask what’s the point because I feel like I’m a loner even though I don’t want to be, never have and never will want to be one.
I just wish I could not think so much about stuff like this, that things like being social wasn’t such a massive deal to me…so that I didn’t have to look at myself in the mirror and call myself a loner anymore…