Good Day World, It’s Your DailyPickMeUp! And today, I felt a feeling that I have always had on certain occasions…one that happens when I go outside into a public place like a Supermarket or go on a train to the city…it’s mostly a feeling that I feel when…I’m in a crowded place, whenever I’m surrounded by many other people and I can’t move without bumping someone and I always feel somewhat panicky if I bump into someone I don’t know…especially if we make eye contact, it’s like they get annoyed with me and it’s all my fault! I often just walk away after saying sorry but it is sometimes muttered I feel.
I always wonder if it’s just me that feels this way when I’m outdoors but I doubt that, I know, being Autistic that I enjoy sometimes being by myself, too many people is too much for me, like a laptop overheating and crashing! I need a reboot! Or two minutes in isolation before I can resume like always!
Today, I went shopping and it was jam packed busy, because of it being Christmas next week! And I wanted to leave after five minutes, so many people rushing about with trolleys, bumping into one another…it was awful because it always feels like it’s your fault and no one looks like they care if someone is already looking at an item…or the other way round if someone wants to reach an item but someone is stood there for five minutes! I don’t like that kind of environment, never have…have no interest in it but I need food…not really a fan of ordering online, I like to go out but don’t like large crowds…oh the irony!
Being in a place with a lot of people in it terrifies me to no end! It always has been an issue for me throughout my life, to go anywhere and it being packed full of people…I feel like I have no space to do anything, even move without bumping into someone accidentally, does anyone else hate that feeling you have when you can barely move without having to nudge someone else accidentally?
Me, I like a nice quiet place where I can relax and not hear many voices around me all the time, it’s like I can’t even have a nice thought without it being disrupted by someone shouting or doing something that I would class as disruptive which would be pretty much everything…a lot of things annoy me because I seem to be able to pay close attention in detail to what other people do…like if someone is a heavy breather…I hate it when someone breathes on me….I always get a cold shiver down my spine when anyone does….University was a nightmare because of this! Everyday I was surrounded by so many people, it took forever to get somewhat used to it…that’s all about socializing with other people from all over yet I hesitated yet for some reason, I have always been able to hang in there and not walk away from any sort of place, I can stay in any of these places, albeit I am always scared but never enough to run!
To be honest, I don’t know what it is that makes me be able to not pack it in and run out of a place screaming? I always tell myself to go outside and calm down if I feel like I’m beginning to get worked up, like in a shopping center, a train, a nightclub, University or a supermarket…it always feels like I will overload and implode if I stay in any of these places long enough, yet I never do but I always feel like I will…it’s frustrating for me because I want to go someone as simple as a supermarket and be able to have a simple, relaxing time getting the food and other things I need or go to a place of entertainment with friends or my fiance like the Cinema or Bowling Alley without feeling uncomfortable!
I know it sounds like I feel unhappy about this but weirdly, I’m not! I don’t get so upset about all of this stuff…more like I’d rather feel these emotions than it not bother me at all and I don’t feel anything…I feel happy that I get to experience these feelings like Fear and Anger sometimes…better than bottling it all up and doing this
So trips outside are always fun…wondering if I’ll get to fraught and want to go back home, hide under my bed sheets and stay there for the remainder of the day! Doubt I would but I do think about it! I’m really a happy chap who enjoys what life throws at me…always worrying about what I say or do all the time…hoping I don’t upset anyone with what I say…apart from that, life is a blast! 😛