This is just my view of how I see my Autism in a certain way, it’s a certain point of view not shared by everyone which is fine because that would be boring! So feel free to agree or disagree, the eyes will continue to stare into your soul!
Why is that person just staring at me, do they want something? I hate it when people stare, it always makes me feel very uncomfortable because they always look so intense! Ever heard of putting on a friendly smile when you stare at me? I always imagine everyone that stares at me is quite angry…well it looks like they are every single time and it’s annoying because I always feel like somehow…I have done something…even if I haven’t…If they are a stranger to me, I will still feel this way…it’s insane yet it’s true! I have a very negative way of looking at that, I must assume everyone is full of anger and rage, either that or their has been a hell of a lot of coincidences!
Emotions…how I can’t always understand them…it never seems to really click with me when someone seems to be sad, angry, happy or all of the above…I have been called inconsiderate and a robot before because not only do I sometimes fail to understand other people’s emotions, I can also fail to express my own…beep boop! Don’t worry people, this isn’t what I see when I look into a mirror
Delete! Although that would be awesome! Upgrade! Emotions not found, error, error! Look me and emotions are estranged lovers that occasionally get together…and it’s normally wonderful for the first hour or so then it gets awkward and we go our separate ways…oh wait, that’s friends with benefits…in that case, it’s like being around the awkward mate you kind of have but you never try to invite them to anything because you know they’ll just embarrass you so interaction with them is very limited!
I wish Emotions were exactly like this! Would be so cool! Happiness comes out at the weekend, Anger appears every Monday and Thursday, Disgust.l..whenever it wants and as for Sadness and Fear…most afternoons! I think I go through all the emotions on Monday…that day! I don’t know but anyway! I am in touch with my emotions…I just choose to keep them away…to not show them to you…because I just ‘feel’ like it!
Friendship! That wonderful thing that we as species need in this world! to have companionship, something we need but can also be somewhat afraid of it at the same time, Oh the irony! I have friends, I know that but I can still feel somewhat awkward from time to time, thing is though that they understand that and If I need a minute or two to myself, they understand and let me, and they always ask if I’m ok when I come back, which I always do…I love that because that speaks so many volumes to me!
It hasn’t always been that way, I’ve had a rough ride to get where I am with people going against me and deciding that I was too strange to be a friend to them and I was taken advantage of a lot growing up but that’s all in the past, I won’t let it hold me down, I will let it make me stronger every single time!
But let us rejoice people! 2015 is almost at an end and it’s time to reflect on what kind of year you have had! Friends you’ve made, achievements you have done and what you will take from this year into 2016…A whole new year, one to learn so many new things and go on many more adventures! Happy New Year Everyone!