Hello World, This is your DailyPickMeUp and welcome to Asperwhat38?! And today we talk about Autism and being emotionless? What I mean by this is and I’m sure many will be able to relate because at some point in your life, someone may have said to you something along the lines of
‘Why don’t you ever show any emotions?’
‘Why do you never sound like you care?’
One thing I have had associated with Autism is being told that when I talk, explain things or any thing along those lines, I can appear to have no emotions what so ever behind my words and for some, they don’t really like that because to them, it just sounds like I don’t care! Whilst this is not true at all, it is something I have noticed for many years now, a common thing to occur in my life and I don’t really enjoy being told I sound like I can’t express my emotions through my look or how I talk as well!
For example, my fiance Emma happened to bring this up to me during an argument last night as I questioned why she can tell other people close to her everything without a worry and as for me, she seems to struggle to do that sometimes and I have always wondered just why that is. I am going to be her fiance so surely she should be confident enough to confide in me, of all people!
And we talked about that for quite some time, she would tell me the reason that she struggles to tell me things sometimes is all down to just how I can be so blunt sometimes and always straight to the point, it just sounds like I don’t care when I explain things to her! She can sometimes be afraid to tell me some things because I am to the point and blunt, I don’t like to dress anything up at all because I just don’t see the point in doing that and I am always so honest when I tell someone something, no matter who it was, I don’t really like lying! I don’t always know I’m being very blunt and as for not ‘softening’ the blow, as I’ve said…I just don’t understand the need for doing that, I mean if they found out I was somewhat lying in order to spare feelings then wouldn’t they be even more cross with me? And if they needed to hear something important, I’d rather that they heard it from me than someone else!
Same with friends, I probably sometimes talk like I don’t sound happy, angry or sad, nothing behind me as I talk, I wonder if they have always wondered just why I might do that or perhaps it’s only my family and fiance that feel comfortable enough to actually tell me this?! I have no idea!
It’s not like I ever do this intentionally or anything, I don’t mean to sound like a robot when I explain some things to people, I just don’t really see the point in softening up anything…what does that really do? Sure, it’s nicer but in my eyes, it just delays the inevitable which I’d rather just get out of the way, I’ve spent my entire life waiting for things to finally happen and come out, no more!
Maybe I am emotionless sometimes, I find it hard to cry for example, I can get mad and I can be happy but if I don’t see the need to portray one then I won’t, I guess I just don’t like being made to feel forced to show an emotion or be called a robot, If I want to show you my raw emotions then I will but for now, If I need to cry, I would prefer to do it when I’m by myself, I’m not ready for others to see that yet and I don’t know if I ever will, only a handful people have seen me cry and for right now, that’s how I’d like to keep it!
Have A Good Day