Welcome to Asperwhat42?! Take It Back, a blog where I feel like I have many regrets regarding my Autism when I was growing up…well part of it anyway because I didn’t know I had Autism when I was a child! I was a Teen when I was diagnosed so well…I had gone through quite a lot before I found out and to be honest, people had some sort of idea that something was wrong with me, I mean I had to go to clinics, hospitals and such for tests for years prior!

The diagnosis was bad for me, yet it was good as well because it closed many doors in my life but also opened many new ones! What was Autism, why did it make me act the way I did and could I do anything about it? I had no idea but to be told immediately that a cure didn’t exist didn’t help me at all, made me feel a bit depressed, even though I didn’t completely know what Autism was at the time, I was just told that I had something that made me struggle to have friends and I couldn’t do a single thing about it! Reaction- Depressed!   

Having no recollection of ever thinking about consequences growing up, I would often get into trouble and not think much about it…I felt like I could get away with anything to be honest, nowadays though, I wouldn’t ever do anything like get in trouble because I know actions have consequences! It’s all part of growing up though and to learn from a mistake, you have to make a mistake first! Made plenty of those, believe me!

If I could take back half of the things that I have done in the past, I would…wouldn’t you? I mean I think everyone will obviously have things in the past that they wish could be different, could have happened differently, I mean it’s normal, right? If anyone has gone through life and doesn’t have a single regret whatsoever, I commend you! Wish I could say the same but sadly, I cannot!

Growing up and discovering that I had Autism was very unpleasant for me because it changed who I was and made me go in a whole new direction to where I was going to go which to be fair is a good thing but it was difficult at the start to get used to knowing how people may look at me once they see my label and just want me to go away. I thought like that so much as a teenager, it was a hard time to be honest because no one else knew what Autism was either…or the people that I know anyway! If people I knew didn’t know about it, how was I supposed to know about it?

It would have been miles easier to get over having Autism if others around me had known about it and could help me, instead of taking me out of classes and making me feel like a f****** idiot for 3 years! Not sure if I could have changed much really but I would change how I reacted to it all, I would persevere and I would one day win, I just had to grin and bear for a while until I could finally get away from it all

If I could change things, I wouldn’t change not having Autism, I would stop myself sinking into that depression that took 5 years of my life away, those days of feeling alone in the world and not seeing a point of a future! I would tell myself to keep my chin up, smile and believe that the future will be better…I had many adventures that would make me a better person to happen!

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