Greetings all, I am the DailyPickMeUp and this is a Leap Year, the 29th of February…meaning that if I have a meltdown on this day, I can’t have another for 4 years on the same date! Anyway, speaking of meltdowns!
Meltdowns…oh boy! Touchy subject in my opinion because no one enjoys going through one, the outburst of anger and being afraid is so intense, you feel like you can take anyone on and you always people to leave you alone. I always want to scream, shout and break things because I believe it will make me feel better, even though I always remember that will it really help matters, I mean I really like that lamp…why do I need to smash it? Not that I have actually ever done that during a meltdown! They are a time where things get too much for us and we have to vent or like a volcano, erupt and release all the trapped frustrations from within, it’s necessary because lord help it if it builds up anymore than it is at breaking point!
Oh, how I wish I could just vanish for half an hour from society when a meltdown is about to begin, lock myself away in a room and just play a game or watch something funny on TV until the all clear happens…that would be swell because no one has to see me in full rage mode, I never feel comfortable showing that side of myself to anyone, not my family, friends, fiance or anyone…why would I? I wouldn’t feel comfortable and it would just make the whole experience longer anyway!
I often imagine that in my head, someone like Homer is at the controls going eenie meenie miney moe on whether to stop the meltdown or let it go on for a bit longer until enough anger had released itself and code red was done and dusted for a month or so before it all begins again! I always think my heads like a volcano, always up to something and always an intimidating to fear because you just never know when it will erupt, you have to always be on your toes and be wary of it or face being unprepared and caught out by a sudden meltdown, I find that they can happen when I really don’t want one, like on Holiday or at a special event, It has happened before, many times…I went to University and had a fair few as well which I’ll probably get around talking about some day! When I feel confident enough to do so that is!
Meltdowns are one of the most talked about things regarding Autism, or so I find anyway from my travels and experiences and that’s probably because it is one of the more clearer indications of Autism or it might not be, I’m no expert to claim whether it is or isn’t, just a regular guy loving life! For me, I have always found the Meltdowns to be the most challenging of anything else that Autism brings to the table, well it’s a toss up between Meltdowns and Making Friends….I’ll stick with Meltdowns because I have friends! It’s close though!
Many might assume that someone who has regular meltdowns is a very angry individual which isn’t the case at all, I or anyone I know would not associate me as being an angry person at all, the opposite actually I would say but Meltdowns may make others think differently because not everyone will think an occasional outburst of anger is ‘normal’ and I can understand that in a way because I feel uncomfortable when I see others get angry as well, I feel nervous and scared that they might shout at me or threaten violence in the spur of the moment kind of way because I know many people say and do things they normally wouldn’t do in that state, its a moment of madness that many can regret once it has passed.
Just remember that no one wants to have a meltdown and for me anyway, nothing that I say during a Meltdown is ever meant, if I happen to insult or upset, I do not mean it whatsoever and will more than likely grovel and plead for forgiveness because I just don’t like being cruel to anyone, it’s just not in me, well intentionally anyway! It upsets me if I upset a friend or my fiance because they mean so much to me!
At the end of the day, I will probably always have Meltdowns because I don’t think you can grow out of them….can you? I doubt it but I will always come up with ways to counter it and make them not last as long every single time, never giving up the fight, no one ever should because true Autism is something that I will always have but it doesn’t run my life, I DO!
Have A Good Night All!