Hello everybody, Its Your DailyPickMeUp and welcome to this blog! It’s nice to have you here and thank you very much for reading this blog, I appreciate it!
Is it ever bad to actually want to have a little private time? That is today’s question, we all have times where we just want to be alone from time to time, it’s normal, right? So of course the quick answer to this question is No, of course not, it can be nice to just have alone time, right? Some ‘me’ time every now can be good and then and it can help me unwind if I ever feel stressed out with life! Let’s face it, life can be quite stressful sometimes, no matter who you are or what you do, we all feel stress from time to time.
You might say to yourself ‘No, I like spending time with loved ones all the time, I don’t want time to yourself’ and that’s ok, some people can’t stand being alone and constantly need someone to be around them yet you can find some people that never want to be around anyone, they actually prefer to be constantly alone and like their own company or they don’t have a choice for certain circumstances such as they have no one left in the family left alive or friends, it can happen, I know some people that are the last of their family alive.
I will now share an experience of me at one stage in my life up to the point I am at now and how I have changed when it comes from hating being on my own to not minding it as much and how my diagnosis of Autism was quite a major player in making it worse for myself before it got better again. It wasn’t an easy journey because now that I think about it, I have gone from an extremely happy child (before I knew I had Autism) to a depressed teen (was diagnosed) To a mature adult who was more accepting of everything but took a hell of a lot to get there.
As I said, I was a very happy child and I know this because that is what everyone keeps telling me whenever I ask about my early childhood! I was a happy, smiling, kind boy who could never get angry or sad about anything so with that being said, I always ask myself what went wrong? At what point in my life did I finally snap and turn into an emotional machine for half a decade? Before hand, friends were easy, I had them in Nursery, school up to a certain point and in my neighborhood where I lived. However, at a certain point in my life, things began to change and it was like people took notice and actually thought that I was quite strange and I couldn’t understand it at first but when I was around 13-14 I was diagnosed with Autism and whereas things began to make more sense, i brought an era that was very bad for me indeed, the worst period of my life.
My Autism makes me want to have people around me but I can’t always cope with it and need some time to myself and I always feel that some people don’t understand that because they think I’m trying to be anti social which isn’t true at all, I need a bit of time to myself in order to unwind and de-stress or it can get to much and I could have a ‘meltdown’ which Is the last thing that I want to ever happen, I hate them so much that I will do whatever it takes to prevent them from happening.
I feel it’s kind of awkward because I have always craved companionship with others, although before I discovered that I had Autism, I didn’t really think about it SO much yet once I was told what I had and now it feels like a big deal. It’s almost as if that before knowing I had Autism, I was ok and accepted myself for who I was, I had friends and was comfortable with everything, I was called the happiest child that anyone had seen by people in my hometown yet I felt like that changed as I got a bit older and went into my early teens.
I got to emotional and very attached to everyone, I discovered that I hated being alone and once I was diagnosed, it only got worse as I used it as an excuse for people not wanting to know me anymore and I feel into a somewhat 5 year depressed state that was very hard to come out of, like having to climb out of a very deep well that was half a decade deep and when I had climbed out of it, I was nearly 20 and had completely changed from who I was, I had somewhat matured and felt more comfortable with my own company than I once had been yet I still needed companionship or was afraid of slipping right back down that well again.
Overall, was it my Autism that caused me to loss my friends? Well that’s a yes and a no! I’ll explain why, the thing is…only a few people knew about my Autism for a while and they were in my family or a couple of people at my school, no one else knew so they didn’t abandon me because I had Autism but because they thought I was actually mean. Truth is, I may have done things without understanding what it was that I was doing after a certain age, I mean after all…I didn’t know what anger was and growing up, I had not yet learnt that actions had consequences or that anyone else could get upset or angry with me, I mean for about 8-9 years, no one really ever had so it was a nasty surprise for me to discover that people could get upset with me if I did things that they liked.
All along, despite being happy, I did have problems like I couldn’t walk or talk until 3 and went to a special school until I was 8 yet I also went to a primary school as well, it was like 3 days at one and 2 at the other so it’s not like my Autism one day switched on, it was always there…it turns out that I was the only one that never saw it until I had grown up enough to actually notice myself and it was a terrible experience, one that I’ll continue with on another blog.
In the end though, to say here that it’s ok to have some alone time but only if it’s what you want! Even if it’s just for a few minutes, it’s nothing to feel bad about, we all do it!
Thank you for reading and I hope you have a good day