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Today I want to talk about change and what it means to me because we all have to go through it various times in our lives, whether we like to or not but do we have to like it though? I know we don’t have a choice but we don’t have to enjoy it, right? I’m not so sure how I feel about change because sometimes it can be good and sometimes, it’s unwelcome and I wish for it to be gone.

With my Autism, I feel that I can be ok with keeping things the same way because I feel safe and I’m feel confident in my environment but change scares me and makes me feel unconfident in doing anything! I know I can overcome the change and be used to it and all but as soon as I get used to something, it will somehow change and I have to get used to something brand new once again! A never ending cycle if you ask me, something I might never get used to.

How are you with accepting change? I find that I like the same old sometimes so I’m not the greatest person with accepting anything new…straight away at least. I could have the same food everyday really and I wouldn’t care because I like it but some have said that it must be boring and I get where they are coming from because I know plenty of people that like variety and spicing it up every now and then but I would be ok if I didn’t have to do that, change scares me sometimes because if I don’t like it, then I’ll just beat myself up for not doing what I normally do, so my brain will conclude that I have wasted time.

My fiance has gotten a new job recently and won’t be around as much as she has been before and I can’t get around that I won’t see her as much during the day as we work different times of the day and it’s weird for me right now, I’ll miss her but know it’s for the best.  I am unsure however how I will accustom to the latest chapter in our lives! I mean the wedding is a few months away and we both work but when your so used to seeing her smiling face when you’ve finished work and you get to spend the day with her, it makes you happy yet now that won’t be able to happen as much, apart from evenings and weekends

I waved her away today as she got the bus to her new job for the first time today and as much as I was filled with hope and pride, another part of me was full of fear and anger because it meant change and whether I was ready for that or not was to be tested over time.

I don’t want to sound selfish by saying I’ll miss her company, I’m so proud that she got this job but I guess because I work in the town we live in and she uses transport to get to the town she works in now that I’ll miss having her around as much, It’s all new to get used to because I haven’t had to come home to an empty house really before, it’s a new feeling and for now, not one that I relish but I’ll get used to it…I hope

How do you handle a big change in your life, do you embrace it or hate it?

2 Comments

  1. I agree. Change is very difficult for me, too! I like that you recognize it will be OK once a little time passes and you get used to it. That’s part of the way I deal with it, too – I consider the scope of the change, try to be realistic that I’m going to be uncomfortable for a certain period of time (the death of someone I’m close to will take longer than their change in routine). Then I try to be gentle with myself and take care of myself during the transition period.

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