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Does Autism make me ‘Invisible?’ A weird one to ask but if you’ve ever gone without talking to another human being for a couple of days, you might of had that thought before! I have done that before and it’s rather odd yet very bored…it was when this happened that I realised that I don’t completely enjoy complete solitude or that I only like it for so long…I need companionship at some point or I’ll go insane or get very bored.
It is very possible to feel invisible if you have Autism, I mean if you struggle to socialize with other people, then of course it is! I have met some people who have never had a friend before, don’t get along with there family and even prefer to not interact that much with others but to get to the point that you feel like others don’t even acknowledge your existence is somewhat worrying to me.
Have you ever tried to walk through a crowd of people to see if you get noticed or so someone will say hello to you? I decided to give it a go a few years ago and what happened was what I expected….no one said a word to me and as I made it to the other side of the crowd, I felt very lousy and of course I thought about Autism automatically, I don’t know why because it’s not like it’s written all over my face that I have Autism and I certainly wasn’t wearing one of these
My natural instinct was to walk away and go back to the solitude of my room and feel bad for myself which I eventually did, why didn’t I want to be the one to say hello to anyone though? I admit I was very nervous and terrified actually of rejection, being too easily judged and maybe that’s what would actually make me ‘invisible’ Me! It takes two to have a conversation, not one and I didn’t attempt to speak to anyone either so I am at fault as well but my issue was probably I expect others to want to talk to me.
I learnt over time to not expect others to always come to talk to you, I had to be the one to go and speak to another…you know what they say, if you don’t ask, you don’t get! I just found it fascinating that in a crowd of people, I could still be unnoticeable, invisible and unimportant. ok that last one was silly but the feeling you could have where your look like the only one that no one is talking to because you look a little bit nervous, does it put people off if you look nervous?
This was all at University, which is a big test for anyone with Autism when it comes to being social. So many huge groups of people constantly wanting to socialise and go out clubbing and joining societies yet all I wanted to do was my work, which I was paying to do. At times, it was like I didn’t exist because I was too afraid to step outside of my bedroom on some days….before this time, I had never spend an entire day in bed or go a whole day without saying an entire word, both very weird experiences which I’d prefer to go without doing again, very lonely indeed!
Of course I have been very successful when it comes to be social and not invisible but when you have gone to the other side where you feel that because you have something, no one wants to know you is a weird experience, mainly because it’s not because you have Autism that this happens…it can happen to anyone, with or without anything. Just have to remember that expecting people to come to you doesn’t always work, sometimes you have to go to what you want to have.