Have you ever gone an entire day without talking to a single individual before? A whole 24 hours without saying one word? It sounds unlikely because it’s such a long time to go by and unless your in the middle of a desert or stranded on an island in the middle of nowhere, it sounds like something that just wouldn’t happen…yet it does, often!
I remember once spending one entire day in my dorm flat and didn’t speak to anyone all day! I laid in bed, did some work and played computer games all day, I never stepped outside and what was that like? It was strange because the day dragged on, I felt alone and it was a little bit depressing because it had never happened before since the day I first uttered a word on this planet. To not say a single word for so long…you can feel really invisible to the world, like you don’t matter yet you only have to go outside that door and speak to someone, make a phone call and it all goes away but sometimes, you just can’t find the strength to do so! It can happen to the best of us sometimes, no one is perfect, no matter how many friends you have.
To be fair, on that day I was very busy with a big project in University so I was often by myself as it was writing a script so it takes me away from society for long periods of time, I was often up til 3am every night at the University’s library! Before I continue, I’ll say that I do have friends, family and a wife so I’m not a lonely individual but I have known many who still are today and many assume because I have Autism that I am quite lonely, that one always makes me smile! Most people can’t even tell I have Autism….unless I ever told them so I wonder why I should ever bother worrying about it if no one can ever see it.
Have you ever been in a room full of people yet felt completely alone and isolated? If your someone who prefers to be alone anyway then this wouldn’t really matter to you, you can continue sitting their and have yourself a good day but if your someone who strives to make friends or already have them, a situation might have happened in your life where you can go quite a while without speaking to anyone at all. One example of this can be in a classroom wherever you be at school, college or university, you might wonder why you were so quiet and why you never spoke to anyone.
I have had this happen many times! It’s a weird situation because you feel that since you have so many people around you that you’ll surely end up talking to somebody! Yet it doesn’t always work out like that, I can honestly say that at least once I have sat in a massive group of people and not said a single word! I’ll admit that I could have made an effort to start a conversation but haven’t you always wondered if someone would come up and want to speak to you? You ask if something is wrong with you, have you done something to deserve it or something….chances are it’s all in your head and your negative thoughts are just adding fuel to the fire but it’s better to try and start a conversation and be shot down then sit their in silence and give the wrong message to everyone around you.
I have given it a try for an experiment once, to sit there and not speak to anymore and see what happens and I can say that sometimes, someone will start a conversation with you and sometimes they won’t and it’s strange to feel invisible in an ocean of people, like I’m a ghost and don’t exist but often wonder why that is? Maybe I look unapproachable, maybe I should bring a mirror with me at all time so I can see what I look like when I’m sat down.
Because of my Autism though, I may tend to overthink this topic and always assume I’m doing everything wrong without actually trying something new because my brain will tell me to not even attempt and it’s hard to turn it off! It doesn’t have an off switch, how I wish it did! I might feel a little bit braver in this area if I could go in without any negative thoughts to start off with. It can be hard if other people around me have no idea that I am unlikely to start a conversation with them because I’m to scared to, chances are they will assume I have no interest in speaking with them or that I don’t like them or something…how wrong that is but I would have to be beyond happy to be able to ever tell them that without any help.
I recall certain times where I would be in a rehearsal room with the entire year inside of it and everyone is chatting away in their groups yet sometimes I felt isolated because of my lack of ability to connect with people at such at rate that is deemed normal by society, seriously, they say groups of friends are made by the end of the first term! I never really understood that at all as you should be able to make friends at any time during your education…things shouldn’t be set in stone after a month or so! I know this isn’t completely true in all cases but for some, they make friends in term one and that’s all they need, everyone else is basically an acquaintance or someone you just say hi to every now and then.
Always remember that it takes two to tango so it takes two people to have a conversation…sometimes it has to be you to start procedures which isn’t always the easiest thing to do, it can be nerve wrecking for many to do that, approach someone and introduce yourself to them, fearing rejection and humiliation in the process. You only have one life, might as well make a noise and be noticed!