Before I start here, I’ll show you my previous blog post called What I Like About Having Autism
This time I’ll talk about What I don’t like about having Autism and to be honest, I could only think about one or possibly two things but I’ll say the first one here quickly because it isn’t that much of an issue anymore as it was in the past. Meltdowns were something that I really struggled handling in the past, especially in public as I could scream and shout over the smallest of things when under pressure. It became a big issue between the ages of 15 to 24 as I went through college and university but come the age of graduation and settling into married life, I have discovered that meltdowns are non existent, as in I have only had 5 in 3 years which is a huge decrease when it was one a month! Therefore I deem it for now at least that Meltdowns are no longer an issue or something that I don’t class as something I hate about having Autism.
They actually taught me that I needed to accept that things happen sometimes and that it was me that needed to do something about it, not have someone else have to reassure me and guide me through and this made me stronger as a person over the years, probably why some call me mature nowadays.
Quite often, I feel like others fail to understand what it is that I actually have! Autism isn’t just one thing that affects everyone in the same way yet with the majority of people that have found out that I have it, automatically assume that my case is exactly the same as someone else that they happen to know and if they have it badly, they tend to begin treating like very differently…believe me, you notice straight away if a person’s attitude towards you shifts the way you wish it wouldn’t go.
The effects this can have is disheartening really as knowing that some people will purposely decide to try and avoid you based on the fact that you have Autism…something is not visible to anyone and you damn well know that if they didn’t know you had Autism, their attitude would be a lot more friendly…that’s just how it can feel sometimes. One person was shocked that I had Autism and beforehand we would talk quite frequently and were generally friends but after they found out what I had, I never spoke to them again. I tried to make contact but they ignored and avoided me and I just couldn’t understand why it was such a big deal…they were fine when they didn’t know but it was like I had some kind of contagious disease or something and I was cross about the whole ordeal because more often than not, it’s only when some people find out that I have Autism that they avoid me…I mean what is it about Autism that people don’t like?
I know I don’t always talk or socialise at the level that many would consider acceptable but it’s rather hard to try and do that when people avoid me! However this isn’t the case a lot of the time, most people don’t care that I have Autism and I’m glad about that because it really shouldn’t matter…it doesn’t change who I am as a person but what annoys me is how people seem to find a way to find something to get annoyed by what I have…when I do understand that many people with Autism have extreme cases and you hear the stories in the media, primarily in the United States to be honest, it’s barely mentioned in the United Kingdom to the same extent to be honest yet I can easily find a story related to Autism in some sort of negative way in the States but then again…a lot more people are in America, compared to Britain.
That would be my main complaint about having Autism, how others perceive it! Other people can determine what kind of day I’ll have, whether it’ll be good or bad and if someone makes me feel bad for what I have, then obviously I am going to have a bad day but if someone were to reassure me that Autism doesn’t make me who I am and that it shouldn’t matter to other people what I have, then chances are I’ll have a wonderful day because it’ll show that not everyone is so judgmental and nit picky but then again….humans have a tendency to find faults in other people but compared to other mental health and disability issues, Autism isn’t so obvious to spot but some are better than others at hiding it but shouldn’t that be an issue as well? Having to hide it away out of fear of feeling embarrassed by someone who feels the need to make me feel bad for something so small. Yes I have a smidgen of Autism, not full force as many others I have spoken to have and apparently that’s something people argue about…mild Autism but that’s another issue.
Thanks For Reading.