What is my place in life? Why am I here? I sometimes wonder these two questions because sometimes it feels like I get up, go to work, come home and go to bed and it becomes a routine that you can feel trapped inside off because you know you would be much worse off if you didn’t have a job to go to or a home to leave and come back to but you also want so much more from life.

Everyday you see people living a dream, doing the job they always wanted to do and you look at yourself and ask ‘What am I doing wrong?’ I went to school, got good marks and have a degree…why am I struggling so much to make myself happy?

Have you ever heard anyone say this to a child

”Do well in school or you’ll be a failure like that person!” 

I have heard two people say that to their children and you wonder what kind of example does that set for them? To make them look down at people working and earning money…just because it’s not a high paying job, they have to be looked down upon and mocked…what is this the 1800’s? Many people I’ll have you know can’t find a job or put food on the table, many collect benefits yet the ones that earn something and work for it can be mocked and made out as examples to not end up like that and it sickens me because too many people don’t know what it’s like to struggle a bit but like to moan like they do. I don’t know, it’d be nice if people didn’t feel like bragging if they or someone they know is successful or doing well in life…nothing wrong with people doing well but why make someone else feel bad if they aren’t?

However, we have no point moaning about how unfair life can be, things won’t become better that way, we have to do something about it ourselves! They say that University degrees no longer guarantee a high paying job and in the UK, doing an apprenticeship is the new way forward for the next generation…won’t leave you in high debt and no prospects, that’s for sure!

With all that said, I feel like I became a bit of a lost soul in the education system…don’t get me wrong, my grades are fine…I’d say I’m a B/C student as most of my GCSES are those marks but when I was diagnosed with Autism as a teen, it caused so much time being wasted by becoming accustomed to how I did things and having others telling me to not have much hope for the future…I couldn’t ever think about being a doctor, lawyer or anything worthwhile…my confidence was so low…I thought people wanted me to become a farmer or something…no disrespect to farmers but I don’t want to do that!

I work, earn money and can afford what I want to but I also think…what if I try to move up the ladder a little bit someday…try something new yet I always fear that marks will somewhat hold me back over experience. I’ll always write, that is something that I live for! The one thing that makes me happy, whether I succeed or fail at, I’ll keep doing it because it makes me smile.

Life’s a journey for everyone…we just all take different paths towards the end of it..I know that if I want to do better, I have to do something about it myself. I don’t like being a lost soul.

 

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