Today, I go back to an old favourite of mine because it has dominated a huge part of my life as it was a big obstacle to try and control daily, up to the point that such a thing is very rare nowadays, so I talk about Autism and having a meltdown once more.
What is it that triggers a meltdown anyway? I could easily say that it’s having too much get on top of me and being unable to deal with the pressures and stresses of life on a daily basis, to the point that I need to have a meltdown in order to cope once more, like if I don’t have one, then it’ll drive me insane until I can scream, shout and let all my emotions out…sort of like a jug being too full and some of the water needs realizing or it’ll spill and make a mess.
If you have Autism, chances are high that you have experienced a moment like this, you suddenly feel all these emotions all at once and it gets too much for you, meaning that you can’t cope with what you are doing and need to realise all the bottled up feelings you have to relieve yourself. When I look on all sorts of groups online, I see talks about having meltdowns so it must be a concern amongst many who have had one.
It’s a very weird feeling to have a meltdown, You can be doing anything during the day and it can just hit you…this strange feeling of it all being too much and you need to escape it all. I will begin to breath heavily, like I’m really warm and need to go outside or something. However, could it be said that everyone has moments where things get too much for them? Whether you have Autism or not…it’s not like other people don’t have things get on top of them either…everyone gets mad with life from time to time so why is it when someone with Autism has one of these moments, it’s referred to as a meltdown?
I’ll admit that I can feel really angry and not be very approachable for quite some time when in one yet I can never explain why I’m so mad but it can be over the stupidest of things that normally would never upset me such as a household chore not being done, something left on over night or something that someone will say to me will just set me off when I’m in such a mood and it does become quite annoying afterwards because I always feel disappointed in myself for getting to such a state in the first place.
One thing I’ll point out is that throughout my life, I have seen so many other people in bad moods during the day, everyone does it, I don’t care who you are yet most appear at least to have some sort of control over how angry they can get in public, I haven’t always been capable of doing that yet now I feel that I can and it’s an amazing feeling to be able to keep my temper under control if something happens where I would have gotten cross in the past. Still though, this doesn’t explain to me why the term meltdown is used so often for people with Autism but then again, the human race has a thing with labels and terms for certain groups of people so should I be really surprised? Probably not but you can’t help but wonder sometimes.
Could it be something like people with Autism aren’t as good with concealing these feelings from other people and have to have an outburst anywhere when need be? I don’t know but I feel that I have become better with having these sort of moments when I[‘m by myself nowadays to the past when I could have one in school so easily, without a care in the world whether people could see me or not. I have had these all over the place, whether they be in public or private, meltdowns seem to sneak up on me and the most annoying times I can think off.
Being told through research and talking to other people with autism , I am to understand that understanding feelings and facial expressions are autistic traits so perhaps because I didn’t always understand my feelings that my meltdowns were so hard to control…like calming down a wild animal because I used to throw things, swear and push people away, I just didn’t care! However, I feel more at peace and have more patience with myself to calm down…probably through experience over the years, that and just being fed up with how I felt after having meltdowns for no reason…everyone saying I had anger issues just got to me, to the point that I wanted to do something about it because I couldn’t do that for all of my life.
Meltdowns are different for everyone and perhaps I got off easy by letting them get to me but maybe some people just can’t deal with them because everyone with Autism is different, we could all have different tales of dealing with them or how we struggle which is interesting because…it’d be a little dull if we all told the same exact tale every time. For now though…I’ll always keep an eye out for the next time things get on top of me and I feel that heavy breathing come on…I just hope I’m at home or alone when it does…makes it so much easier to get over because with others around me, I feel more awkward and that makes it harder to dash out…others aggravate it and I fear I’ll say something I’ll regret later on to them but that hasn’t happened in years, I truly think I’ve passed that phase, through learning and understanding of what I was doing.