How well are you with dealing with certain feelings? Me and feelings haven’t always been the best of friends…quite often I have been called emotionless by many people in certain situations and I never understand why…is it because I don’t sound sad or angry all of the time? Is it that important to people that I’m emotional all of the time or something? Maybe it’s a lack of understanding because I used to hear it all the time, people would call me weird because I wouldn’t react in a way that a ‘normal’ person would do so…whats a normal reaction exactly people?
Seeing as I’m talking about certain feelings or emotions….I’ll start off with the one that I feel most familiar with in recent years, not so much today but it’s still somewhat fresh in my memories of the past.
One feeling that I have a deep connection with personally is Anger…not saying that I’m an angry individual in life but if I had to chose one certain feeling that I have gone back and forth over in the past, especially in my teen years….anger and me walked hand in hand down the aisle, together!
Dealing with my anger isn’t anything new…everyone deals with anger…not just people with Autism but I feel as if its looked upon that someone with Autism struggles a little bit more. What do you think? I don’t enjoy being angry, far from it…I hate it so much because it never does anything for me, especially if it ever leads towards a Meltdown…that can get really nasty sometimes! I’ve screamed, broke things and hit people in the past…I’m not proud of it in any way and I wouldn’t do it today but I had to learn what was ok and what wasn’t somehow because I just wasn’t understanding what I was being told when I was a child. I was angry all of the time, especially after I was diagnosed, I hated the world because I felt like I was put on this planet just for a laugh..being told I would barely be able to do anything…like I was some sort of loser, without even been given a chance. I had to learn everything from scratch so yes, as I was struggling in school to even tie my shoe laces, I slowly found that as people mocked me for what I couldn’t do, Anger became more frequent and I never understood why for a long time…it was hell and it stayed that way for years!
I don’t know about you guys but I have a tendency to think negatively and that leads to feeling angry sometimes but what I have been able to do in order to reduce how much it affects me is find something to do in order to cheer myself up, in such an event. Whether it be go for a run or walk, play on a game that I need to complete or talk to my wife or some friends about it, I feel like I have been able to prevent a serious meltdown from occurring by dealing with the issue and not being afraid of it!
Quite often, I’ll see Facebook posts or tweets posted by people with Autism or perhaps someone posting about someone with Autism and quite often, they sound negative and I never know how to approach such discussions because I fear I’ll either get a bashful of insults by someone who doesn’t like what I have to say or I’ll lose my temper with someone and get into a Facebook war or something like that so more than likely, I won’t say anything and move on. I understand that we are all different and that we have our own stories and fights in life so I never assume that just because I can overcome something that everyone else with Autism will also be able to, maybe many can and many can’t, I don’t know but I won’t assume either, I just like to talk about my own experiences in life and share them, that’s all.
So to conclude, it’s alright to get angry…we all do but try and do something about it, what makes you angry? Sort it out if possible and you just might feel better…if you have no friends…this planet has many ways of making them? If you don’t have a job…go look for one! Never doubt yourself because your capable of more than you know…you just need to believe it!